


WORDS....

by Gameguy199



Series: Shy Mikey [1]
Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Injuried, M/M, handicapped
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-25
Updated: 2015-02-25
Packaged: 2018-03-15 00:49:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 41,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3431915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gameguy199/pseuds/Gameguy199
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Mikey wasn't loud and outgoing? What if instead he was shy and quite and would only speak when Donatello is with him? How might the story of the turtles change?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. WORDS in the rain

Donnie watched Mikey silently pulled on his rain boots and coat; while Donnie did the same. Everyone else had long since fallen asleep but not him and Mikey. They’d both lain awake in their bed, occasionally poking the other to make sure they were still awake. Only when the gentle sounds of their father’s snores reached their ears did they know they were safe to move. Slowly they’d gotten out of bed before silently pulling on their boots and coats while doing their best not to wake their brother’s or father. In front of him Donnie watched as Mikey struggled to do up the buttons in his coat. Giggling slightly Donnie pushed his little brother’s fingers out of the way and did the buttons for him; snapping them into place before buttoning up his own jackets before grinning at Mikey.

“ready?”

Mikey grinned back at him and nodded “yeah!”

A second later the 6 year old turtle clasped his hands over his mouth, his eyes going wide in fear that he might wake someone up. After a moment Mikey nodded. Donnie could not help but giggle slightly at Mikey’s antics as he grabbed the old and battered umbrella he kept by the door before slowly pushing the door open and motioning for Mikey to stay close to him.

They scurried through the lair, doing their best to be silent as they clambered up the small ladder and into the tunnels that led to the sewers. Donnie held out his hand offering it to Mikey who took it and followed him through the small maze of tunnels before coming to the end of an exposed pipe. Motioning for Mikey to be silent Donnie cautiously stuck his head out of the pipe and looked around. They were in a canal way. All around them run off water from the rainstorm trickled and dripped into the center of the canal only to be washed away. Making sure they were completely alone Donnie moved, pulling his body and umbrella out of the pipe before speaking to Mikey.

“it’s clear. Come out.”

He stood back and watched as Mikey pulled himself out of the pipe before dropping down with a small splash into a puddle making the youngest turtle giggle and clap his hands together. Donnie could not help but smile as he and Mikey began to walk along the canals. He watched as Mikey ran a little ways ahead, jumping and splashing about in puddles, giggling and yelping with glee as they exploded upwards at him when he jumped into them. Mikey clapped his hands together.

“FUN! PUDDLES FUN!”

Donnie smiled as he watched his youngest brother laugh and giggle. For a while they’d been worried that perhaps something might have been ‘wrong’ with Mikey. Mikey had only just begun to talk at the age of 6, unlike Raph, Leo, or Donnie who had all started talking at age 3. Donnie could not help but remember the first time Mikey had spoken.

 

They’d been taking a bath and as always Raph had taken it upon himself to get his brothers as wet as ‘humanly’ possible. Donnie and Leo had shrieked and yelped as Raph had splashed them before the red turtle had turned his attention to Mikey. Donnie could still remember the look of fear as Raph had approached Mikey carrying a small pale filled with water before emptying it over the top of Mikey’s head, making him squirm and yelp.

They had all smiled when Mikey had hidden behind Donnie, as Raph had refilled the pale and moved to pour it the water onto Mikey again. It was then that Mikey had said his first words, as he'd clung to the back of Donnie’s shell and buried his face against Donnie’s shoulder. The words had been quite, spoken so softly that Donnie had been the only one to hear them,

“downy…..”

He’d held up his hand, making Raph and his other brother’s freeze and stop what they were doing. “Mikey speak?” he’d turned, wrapping his arms around Mikey’s shoulders trying to comfort him. “Mikey speak. Say again.” Mikey had looked up at him confused for a moment before opening his mouth, “downy….”

He’d hugged his brother so tightly after that, cheering Mikey’s first words. “MIKEY SPEAK! MIKEY SPEAK!  SAY DONNIE!”

 

Donnie glanced at Mikey, watching as he took a running jump into a puddle making it blast upwards at him, soaking his coat before running back down to the ground only to splash back up at Mikey and he hopped and stomped in the puddle.

 

After Mikey’s first words they’d encouraged him to speak more. They’d started trying to teach him a few simple words and sounds. Words like, “hungry”, “cold”, or “sleepy”; in addition to all of their names. And yet……Mikey would tense up and fall silent when they would look at him, expecting him to repeat what they had said. A few weeks later Mikey had been playing with Donnie when he’d suddenly gripped his arms and began to rub them

“Mikey……cold.”

Donnie had been so shocked that Mikey had spoken that he’d missed what Mikey had said. It was only when Mikey repeated himself that Donnie had snapped back to reality, grabbing a blanket and wrapping Mikey’s small form in the the blanket before speaking. “Mikey speak.”

Mikey had grinned up at him, his large smile confusing Donnie slightly. “Mikey speak……only downy.” Donnie had shook his head, confused by Mikey’s response. Mikey had hugged him, rubbing his face against Donnie’s chest, nuzzling against his brother before speaking again.

“Mikey speak only downy.”

 

The rain was coming down harder now, so hard that Donnie paused for a moment to push his umbrella open. Continuing to watch Mikey play Donnie smiled. In the last 3 years he'd come to know what Mikey’s words had meant. In those 3 years Mikey wouldn’t speak unless Donnie was with him and if Donnie wasn’t in the same room then Mikey simply wouldn’t speak at all. This had confused his brothers and splinter but they had learned to accept it. Splinter had asked Donnie if he would look after Mikey so that if Mikey needed to he could speak. of course he'd agreed, and now he followed Mikey wherever the youngest turtle went. and although mikey still didn;t speak a lot to his other brothers or Spinter he did speak to Donnie when he-

 

Donnie yelped, snapped out of his memories by Mikey who jumped into a puddle directly in front of his brother making the water splash up at them both. “DOWNY FUN! PUDDLES FUN! MAKE DOWNY WET!” Donnie giggled and kicked the puddle with his boot, making it splash at Mikey who splashed him back. they delved into a small war, each of them splashing the other until they were both soaked despite their coats and boots. They’d been having so much fun they hadn’t watched the sky, which had gone from being grey to almost black. But they had looked up when a loud clap split through the rain, making Mikey yelp and run to hide behind Donnie who patted his head. “it ok Mikey.”

Mikey shook slightly as he spoke.

“sky…..loud.”

Donnie smiled and hugged Mikey, part of him wanting to comfort his younger brother while another part of him just celebrating Mikey’s words.

“we go back now. storm get stronger.”

Mikey pouted but followed Donnie back to the pipe they had emerged from. “last one?” Donnie smiled at Mikey’s words, turning to find Mikey looking at a large puddle that had formed a little ways away from the pipe. “last one.”

Mikey grinned before holding out his hand for Donnie to take. “Downy have fun too?”

closing his umbrella Donnie gripped Mikey’s hand. A moment later they both ran at full speed towards the puddle, leaping through the air before crashing down on the pool of water making it splash upwards at them. Donnie watched giggling as Mikey stomped and kicked the puddle al the while laughing and giggling as the water splashed them. After several minutes of splashing Donnie spoke. “go back now?”

 Mikey stopped stomping and nodded. “Donnie lead way.”

He gripped Mikey’s hand the entire way home, stopping only as they found a small light waiting for them at the entrance to their home. Donnie shuddered, slightly afraid as he found his father sitting in a wooden chair, waiting for them. shaking slightly Donnie stepped into the light pulling Mikey with him as he watched his father slowly stand up before speaking.

“Did you both have fun in the rain?”

Before Donnie could respond Mikey had stepped out from behind him and was speaking.

“LOTS OF FUN! RAIN FUN, PUDDLES FUN, DOWNY MOST FUN BROVER OF ALL!”

 

Splinter blinked, slightly stunned at hearing his youngest son’s voice. in the last year since mikey had begun to speak he'd never said so much directly to splinter who felt his heart swell slightly as he looked at Mikey who was grinning from ear to ear, completely oblivious to the scowl that Splinter was wearing. After several moments Splinter sighed and spoke, his scowl vanishing into a small smile..

“ok. But now it’s time for bed. And no sneaking out. Ok?” Mikey continued to grin before nodding. “ok.”

  
Splinter watched as Donatello tugged Mikey in the direction of their bedroom before closing the door. Taking several deep breaths splinter smiled to himself before returning to his own bedroom.

 

Donnie shifted, making himself comfortable before allowing Mikey crawl into bed next to him and get comfortable as well. “downy?” Donnie opened an eye to look at his brother. He watched as Mikey looked at his hands for a moment before speaking. “wov you.”

Donnie grinned and pulled Mikey a little tighter against his body. “love you too.”


	2. WORDS in a drawing

Splinter smiled to himself as he looked over his sons. Raphael and Leonardo were lying on their stomachs while they colored, occasionally shifting to pick up a different crayon from the small pile they had. Donatello use using a chair as a make-shift table while at his feet Michelangelo was using a small box as a table. Splinter sighed and closed his eyes, returning to his meditations. He’d learned long ago that if he wanted peace and quiet he had to distract his sons. And nothing did this better then coloring, not only did it distract his sons but it also provided him with the oddly soothing ‘whoosh’ sounds the crayons made as they passed over the paper. A small noise made splinter’s ears flick towards his sons. “Mikey?”

He opened his eyes, watching as his youngest son pointed to his new headband before pointing to Raph, all the while gently tugging on Donatello’s hand. Donatello looked at him for a moment trying to understand what his little brother way saying. After a moment he gently reached out, touching Mikey’s chin. “Use words.”

Splinter felt himself unconsciously hold his breath. It was not often, even with Donatello present that Michelangelo spoke when they were all together like this. He watched as Michelangelo shifted, looking slightly uncomfortable. Donatello ignored Michelangelo’s uncertainty. “Use words Mikey.”

Splinter watched as Michelangelo looked at Donatello for a moment before opening his mouth, “what…..cowor?” as he spoke he again pointed to his eyes and then to Raphael. Donatello cocked his head to the side. “Green. Like us.”

But Michelangelo shook his head. Before reaching up to touch Donatello’s face. “Downy….pwerple.”

Michelangelo let go of Donatello and then touched his own face. “Me…….erang.”

Michelangelo again pointed to Raphael who had looked up from his coloring, watching as his youngest brother spoke. “What…..cowor….raph?”

After a moment Donatello smiled and gave Mikey a small hug. Silently splinter wished he could hug his youngest too. It was so rare for the youngest turtle to speak. Splinter could sit with him for hours and only get him to say one or two words. But with a little bit of encouragement Donatello could get him to speak understandable sentences. Splinter watched as Donatello spoke. “Raph color red. This one.”

After a moment of searching Donatello produced a red crayon and handed it to Raph who giggled and went back to his drawing. Splinter watched Michelangelo’s movements, trying to figure out what he was drawing from the way his crayons and arm moved. After 15 minutes splinter sighed and slowly stood up, feeling his sons all turn to look up at him.

“You have 5 minutes to finish your drawing my sons. Then we will go for our morning run.”

The react he got was typical. Leonardo began to pack away his crayons having already finished his picture. Raphael let out a low ‘hmpf’ and hurried to finish his drawing. Donatello knelt over Mikey and watched as he added a few final details to his drawing before holding it up for…….

Splinter knelt down, noting that Michelangelo took a small step back, coming to a stop as his shell touched Donatello’s chest. It pained splinter as he found that Michelangelo’s arms shook slightly as he continued to hold out the picture he’d drawn. On the small piece of paper Michelangelo had drawn 5 simple stick-figures. 4 of them had simply drawn shells along with a colored line across their face; indicating which of the brothers the figure was supposed to be.

In the middle of the picture splinter found that Michelangelo had drawn him too and had even given his figure his walking stick. But it was the placement of the figures that drew splinter’s attention. While his own figure was in the center of the picture, Raphael seemed to be a little further out then the others. As his eyes moved over the picture splinter noted that unlike his other brothers, Donatello’s figure was not as sloppily colored in; indeed splinter could find no traces of color outside the lines of Donatello’s shell. Not only that but the figures for Donatello and Michelangelo were holding hands; an obvious sign of their affection for each other.

He’d been so focused on the picture that he hadn’t noticed that Mikey was beginning to shake even worse now. “Swinter……not…….like?”  
  
he looked down at his youngest son who was looking up at him, his eyes filled with confusion, fear, hope and uncertainty. He smiled at Michelangelo, kneeling down so he was closer to the youngest turtle. “It’s wonderful my son.”

Mikey’s confused face split into a smile. “Daddy……like it?”

Splinter nodded. “I like it very much.” Behind Michelangelo, Donatello gave his brother a hug. “He like it, he like it!”

Splinter watched as Michelangelo again smiled up at him. Although Michelangelo smiled often, it was not the same kind of smile he was giving now. This smile was filled with happiness and joy; a sign that he was truly happy at that moment. Splinter smiled again at him. “Michelangelo……..may I hang this on our fridge?”

The young turtle’s eyes went wide. “Hang up?” splinter nodded. “May I hang it up on the fridge?”

Michelangelo looked do Donatello who giggled and hugged him. “Say yes! Say yes!”

Splinter continued to smile reassuringly at Mikey who slowly turned to him before opening his mouth. “O……ok.”

Michelangelo's voice was weak and splinter could tell his son was still unsure of himself.

Continuing to smile splinter spoke. “Would you like to help y Michelangelo?”

Michelangelo looked at him unsure. “H…how?” splinter slowly moved, offering his hand to Michelangelo who looked nervously to Donatello who nodded. “It ok Mikey.”

Splinter felt his heart swell slightly as Michelangelo reached out and nervously gripped one of splinter’s fingers with his hand. As splinter led his son into the kitchen he noted that Michelangelo’s other hand had grabbed onto Donatello’s wrist and had pulled him along to.

Stopping in front of the fridge splinter paused as he pulled one of the small magnets off of the metal fridge before speaking to his son. “Will you tell me where the picture should go my son?”

He watched as Michelangelo looked at the fridge for several moments before speaking nervously. “Top.”

Splinter smiled to himself as he placed the small piece of paper at the very top of the fridge before placing the magnet on top of it; holding it in place. “Is that good my son?”

He’d expected Michelangelo to simply nod, or maybe say “good.” He hadn’t expected to feel Michelangelo’s arms wrap around the hem of his robes. He looked down, slightly startled as Michelangelo buried his face in his robes for a moment before speaking. “Glad daddy likes.”

Slowly splinter knelt down, his heart swelling again as this time Michelangelo didn’t shrink back this time. “I love it my son. Just as I love you.” He spread his arms, offering Michelangelo a hug if he wanted it. He bit his lip, willing himself not to cry as Michelangelo took a nervous step forward and accepted the hug.

Splinter closed his eyes, when Michelangelo had been a baby he’d use to hold him for hours, gently rocking the smallest turtle back and forth. But that had changed when Michelangelo had turned 2. He’d become……..reclusive. Often shying away from the physical contact of his father, instead scurrying to hide behind Donatello who would giggle thinking it was a game.

To hold his youngest in his arms again, to feel the tiny body press against him seeking love; it was almost overwhelming to splinter. He felt Donatello join the small hug, both of them pressing in on Michelangelo. Silent tears fell from splinters eyes as he held his sons tightly against his body. He loved them, he loved them so much it almost hurt.

“thank you my son. Thank you.”

From inside the hug splinter heard Michelangelo spoke. “happy daddy likes.”


	3. WORDS while sick

Mikey watched as in front of him Donnie coughed for a moment before letting out a gentle wheeze. “sorry……can't play……today.”

Mikey shook his head, “Downy be better.”

As he spoke he leaned over making sure the small blanket that was draped over his older brother covered as much of him as it could. Under the blankets Donnie smiled weakly. “I’ll…..be ok…… need rest.”

Behind him Mikey felt Leo and Raph shift, “we leave you now Donnie. Get better.”

Donnie nodded and closed his eyes, doing his best to draw in deep breaths but only succeeding in making himself cough more.

Mike felt his brother’s touch his shoulder, trying to get him to follow them out of the room. But he ignored them, shrugging off their touches as he moved in closer to Donnie. “help?”

Donnie opened an eye and looked at him. “m…Mikey?”

Mikey nodded, “how help?”

Donnie smiled weakly at him. “you….cant…….i just…..get better.”

Mikey shook his head. He couldn't just do nothing; not when his brother was so sick. “how help? How make better?”

Donnie smiled at him and shifted, his hand slowly coming out to pat Mikey’s hand. “I’ll be…..fine……need sleep. Promise……something.”

Mikey nodded; he’d do anything for Donnie if it meant his brother would get better. “use words…..if you need…..something. don't…..be silent.”

Mikey shifted nodding to Donnie; he…..could try.

Behind him his father spoke. “let us leave Donatello to rest now. Donatello if you have need for us; just ring the bell next to your bed.”

Mikey watched as Donnie nodded before smiling at him again. “Be better soon. Promise you.”

Mikey bit his lip but nodded, slowly withdrawing from the bed to follow his brothers out of the room. He paused at the doorway, turning back to look at his brother sadly. “be better soon.”

From his spot on the bed Donnie smiled and nodded. “soon.”

Mikey watched as his brother shifted, rolling onto his side; away from the door. Biting his lip Mikey closed the door, leaving his brother alone.

 

That day was one of the longest of Michelangelo’s life. He tried to keep his promise to Donnie. Leo tried to help; speaking to hi reassuring him that Donnie would be ok and that for now he, Leo could help Mikey to try and speak. But it just wasn't the same. Leo’s presence didn’t have the same reassuring warmth that Donnie’s had. Even worse Raph's presence left Mikey feeling cold and a little afraid, removing all desire to speak. And so he followed his brother’s through their routine, chores, playing, before being told it was time for their midday run through the tunnels.

 

Following his brothers and father through the tunnel on their morning jog Mikey paused for a moment as something shiny in a nearby drain caught his attention. Getting to his knees Mikey reached out, straining his arm to try and reach the glinting half buried object before he felt his fingers touch the cool glass surface. 

Pulling the object out of the muck Mikey examined it. it was a jar of some kind. On the label Mikey could make out faint words. He squinted at the words, doing his best to try and read them. he spoke each letter aloud, doing as splinter had suggested he do when he was stuck. "V.A.P.O.R R.U.B..."

after several moments he gave up, the words were too difficult for him to read. “Mikey?”

He flinched, nearly dropping the jar as Leo’s soft voice spoke behind him. “what doing?”

Mikey turned, holding the jar out for Leo to see. “found…..in…..drain.”

he watched as Leo looked at the jar for a moment. Bitning his lip he forced himself to speak despite the gnawing anxiety that sprang up in his stomach as leo looked at him. “what…..words…..say?”

Leo examined the letter carefully before speaking. “vapor….rub…..for…..colds.”

Mikey’s eyes widened slightly. splinter had said Donnie had a cold. Could this help Donnie get better? “what do?”

Leo looked at him. “what Mikey mean?”

Mikey shook the jar slightly. “how it make downy better? Tell Mikey!”

The last words came out louder than the rest. He flinched at the echo they made. He hadn’t expected to shout. he looked down at the ground embarrassed. "sowy."

across from him Leo smiled, “show you.”

Mikey allowed Leo to take the jar from his hand before slowly unscrewing the lid before tilting it to show Mikey what was inside; a milky substance that didn’t move despite being tilted on its side.

Mikey watched as Leo dipped his fingers into the substance and pulled a little out. “rub on chest.”

As he spoke Leo did just that rubbing the substance on his chest, shivering slightly as he found it to be cold. He could feel Mikey watching him, those blue eyes making sure he caught everything Leo did. “that all have do for feel better.”

Handing the opened jar back to Mikey, Leo smiled at his youngest brother. “when get back go to Donnie. Help make feel better.”

Mikey looked up at him before….. Leo inhaled sharply as he felt Mikey’s arms wrap around his shoulders in a hug. Mikey rarely hugged people, even Donnie. Slowly Leo hugged Mikey back. “thank Leo. Thank…..you.”

Leo squeezed Mikey a little tighter. “welcome Mikey.”

Behind them Leo could hear splinter and Raph, no doubt watching them. he turned his head, silently pleading with splinter to let them go back home, so Mikey could help Donnie. Silently splinter nodded before speaking. “my sons, let us return home.”

 

They’d barely set foot inside the lair before Mikey had run off to Mikey’s room. Pulling open the door Mikey moved to Donnie’s bed before clambering up and onto the mattress making Donnie shift and looked at him. “Mikey?”

Mikey held out the jar to for Donnie to see. “Leo say make downy better. Mikey make downy better.”

Taking the jar from Mikey Donnie examined it for a moment. He’d heard of vapor rubs before. they were supposed to be very helpful when a person was sick. Slowly he handed the jar back to Mikey. “where did you fi-”

But the rest of his words were cut off as he began to cough. He could feel Mikey recoil slightly, scared of what was happening as he coughed and gagged, struggling to draw breath. As the coughing subsided Donnie lay back down on the bed closing his eyes for a moment. He felt Mikey shift next to him. slowly he opened his eyes, feeling them widen as he found small tears were trickling down Mikey’s face. “Mikey?”

Mikey looked at him, his eyes pleading with Donnie. “let make better…..pwease. need downy get better.”

He smiled at Mikey. “ok. move over here.”

He indicated the spot where his pillow was, while at the same time shifting his pillow for Mikey to sit down. Doing a instructed Mikey sat down above Donnie and watched as Donnie shifted upwards so his shell now rested against Mikey’s chest.

He did as Leo had done, slowly dipping his fingers into the strange gooey substance before pulling some out and beginning to rub it into Donnie’s chest. He felt Donnie groan as the cool substance began to take effect. “downy feel better?”

Donnie nodded. “a little.”

Mikey sniffed, continuing to rub the substance against Donnie’s chest for several minutes. As he did so he spoke softly. “need Donnie get better. Need Donnie so can talk. No Downy…….no need for words…….have no use.”

Donnie shifted slowly looking up at him. “I don't understand.”

Mikey bit his lip as he stopped rubbing Donnie’s chest but kept his arms in place half hugging Donnie’s body. He willed himself to speak; to make sense of the feelings that coursed through his body. “words…….not words…..with downy. Downy not hear words……downy know words……..not words but Mikey. Downy understand words…….that Mikey not say.”

As he spoke he hugged Donnie tighter, willing his brother to understand. “need Downy get better. Need Downy to understand words Mikey not say……..need downy.”

He clung to Donnie tighter. he felt Donnie shift gently gripping his arm and hugging it. “feeling better Mikey. Thank you.”

He nodded, continuing to hug Donnie. “glad downy feel better.”

Donnie smiled sitting up slightly while pulling back the blankets “Mikey sleepy? Sleep for little while.”

Mikey nodded and slowly crawled under the blankets next to his brother; enjoying the warmth that came as Donnie covered them both with the sheets. He felt Donnie’s arm move slowly following Mikey’s until their hands met. Mikey sniffed before squeezing Donnie’s hand. “need downy get better.”

Donnie squeezed his hand again. “thank you. Feel much better now.”


	4. WORDS in hugs

He loved it when Donnie and he would cuddle. Yes they were older now, with Donnie being 11 and Mikey being 10. Yet somehow he still enjoyed the feelings he got when Donnie and he would huddle against each and cuddle. To feel Donnie’s arms around his shoulders holding him, shielding him, keeping him safe. It filled his chest with warm and happiness. It made him giggle and shift, trying to get Donnie to hold him tighter, while Donnie would giggle and do just that; wrapping his arms around his little brother even tighter.

“I like Donnie hugs.”

Behind him Donnie squeezed him a little tighter, while leaning in to nuzzle the side of his face. “and I like giving them to you.”

Again he giggled; this time from Donnie’s warm breath which tickled his neck and made him squirm. Making Donnie lean in and begin to tickle his sides.

“AAAHHH……..DONNIE…….AHHHH!”

Mikey squirmed, twisted and writhed. Doing his best to get away from his brother’s fingers which ghosted alone his chuts, arms and shell, making him yelp and giggle.

“NAAAAA…..STOP……AAHHHHHHH!”

Behind him Donnie giggled and pressed in harder tickling and rubbing Mikey; who continued to writhe and twitch as a result. He was panting now, all his struggling had made him tired and he found it harder and harder to try and get away from Donnie’s fingers. Soon enough he gave up, leaning backward and accepting his fate. Behind him Donnie shifted giving him another squeeze. He remained tense, very aware that at any moment Donnie could start tickling him again.

“You’re the best little brother ever Mikey.”

He meant it. Mikey would go out of his way to help Donnie; often staying up late into the night so he could keep Donnie company while he toiled away in his lab. Or helped Donnie to drag back seemingly endless bags of salvage from the local junk yards. Or at other times simple giving Donnie a hug when he was feeling upset or overly stressed. Somehow hugging and cuddling Mikey made him feel better. Made him feel as though no matter how wrong he was or how badly he messed up Mikey would always be there to help him try and make things better and fix his mistakes.

Mikey giggled and buried his face against Donnie’s arms. “And you’re favorite big brother.”

It was true. He got along well with Leo, but something in the 14 year old blue turtle had changed. He’d become ……bossy in the last year or so, ever since splinter had made him the leader. Raph………he got along ok with Raph. But Raphael’s frequent outbursts and short temper made Mikey feel like he was walking on thinner and thinner egg shells the longer he was around the red turtle. But Donnie……..

“Best big brother EVER.”

As he spoke he squeezed Donnie’s arms and wrists; willing Donnie to understand just how much he meant what he’d said. To him Donnie was perfect. He was calm, cool, collected and able to explain things in a way that he could understand. But it went deeper than that. When they had begun their training Mikey had struggled. His shyness mixed with a feeling of awkwardness with his own body meant that he had struggled to perform even the most basic of katas. He’d seen the looks splinter, Leo and Raph had given him. They didn’t need to speak their thoughts for him to know them; their wonderings about if he was good enough to be a ninja.

But Donnie had stepped up. The purple turtle had helped mikey in the evenings, coaching him through the katas, gently correcting him when he’d make a mistake or praising him when he did something right. Over time his confidence had gotten better. He began to speak a little more; not as much as his other brothers but enough for his family to take notice. Slowly he got better and better, the katas becoming easier for him to perform until he was able to do them almost as well as Raphael.

He leaned in, nuzzling Donnie’s arm. “Thank you……for being MY big brother.”

Behind him Donnie squeezed him tighter. “thank you for being MY little brother.”

For several minutes they stayed like this. Basking in each other’s warmth while they hugged. They didn’t have to worry about their family interrupting them. the lair had gone silent hours ago, Leo, Raph and splinter having all gone to bed while Donnie and Mikey had stayed awake to finish one of Donnie’s countless experiments; which they had finished some time ago.

Mikey had seen the way his brother’s shoulder slumped as the experiment had ended, the results not being what Donnie had hoped they would be. He’d felt the sadness in Donnie’s voice as Donnie had said they should go to bed. So he’d acted, guiding Donnie to a corner of his lab before pushing his purple brother down to the floor and against the while before settling himself so his shell was against Donnie’s chest. And they’d stayed like this since then. Holding each other, willing the other to understand just how much they loved the other.

After another few minutes Donnie shifted, his grip loosening a little bit. “we really should go to bed Mikey. It’s almost 3 in the morning.”

Mikey groaned and held Donnie’s arm tighter. “5 more minutes.”

Donnie sighed and tightened his grip on his little brother. “ok. 5 more minutes. But then we have to go to bed.”

Of course he knew he’d be here for longer than 5 minutes. Mikey would keep asking for more time until he did eventually fall asleep. At which point Donnie would carry the smallest mutant ninja turtle back to Donnie’s room before tucking him into bed and then crawl in next to him. but he didn’t mind. He loved his youngest brother, and he was more than willing to stay here all night if Mikey wanted.

“hey Mikey.”

Mikey shifted, looking back at him. “yes Donnie?”

Donnie leaned forward planting a small kiss on Mikey’s forehead. “I love you.”

Mikey giggled and nuzzled Donnie’s chest. “I love you to Donnie.”


	5. WORDS in anger PART 1)

It had been an accident. He hadn’t meant for it to happen. He’d just thought……..if he could help Donnie with his experiment then maybe Donnie wouldn’t be so stressed all the time. He’d tried to be careful, shuffling around Donnie’s lab picking up the loose papers and diagrams, doing his best to put the ones that seemed to go together in the same piles. He hadn’t even seen the viles of chemicals, hadn’t purposefully backed into them or knocked them over spilling their contents all over the floor.

“oh shit….oh shit….oh shit.”

He tried to clean the mess up, grabbing a rag to soak up the chemicals which had begun to smoke. As the rag soaked up the colored liquid it began to heat up, getting hotter and hotter until he found it had become too hot to hold. he dropped the rag cursing at himself as he blew on his burned hand.

“ow……..”

He yelped in fear as the rag burst into flames, which began to spread to the dozens up of papers that he’d yet to pick up.

“NO….NO…..NO!”

He scrambled, trying to save as many experiments as he could. He frantically grabbed papers trying to save them as the fire began to grow and spread. Behind him the door to the lab burst open.

“WHAT THE HELL IS GOING-”

Mikey began to shake as he turned looking at his brother Donnie who stared wide eyed for a moment at what was happening inside his precious lab. Mikey knew he wasn't supposed to be there. Donnie hated it when anyone was inside his lab without his permission. Mikey flinched as Donnie yelled. “WHAT DID YOU DO!?”

He’d tried to respond, tried to tell Donnie that it was all an accident; that he’d been trying to help. But his words died in his mouth as his throat tightened up. Donnie had never looked at him with this expression before. Mikey whimpered as he found Donnie’s face was twisted in a snarl of anger. A second later the lab’s sprinklers burst on, dousing the fire, Mikey and everything else in the lab with water. Mikey flinched as the cold water drenched his skin. He yelped in pain and fear as Donnie grabbed him by the sholder and dragged him out of the lab and into the living room.

“WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?!”

Mikey tried to speak; tried to open his mouth to tell Donnie it was an accident. That he hadn’t meat to ruin everything. His mouth opened and closed, but no sound came out. Donnie had never yelled at him. “I…….I…….”

Donnie snarled and began to yell again. “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU’VE DONE?! YOU’VE DESTROYED MONTHS WORTH OF RESEARCH AND WORK, COUNTLESS EXPERIMENTS AND ON TOP OF ALL THAT YOU’VE COMPLETELY DESTROYED MY LAB!”

Mikey shrank back, a whimper coming from his throat. In front of him Donnie growled and leaned in closer.

“SAY SOMETHING MIKEY!”

He tried to speak, tried to tell Donnie what had happened. but the sight of Donnie furious at him was too much for him to handle. Again his mouth opened and closed but no words came out. Donnie snarled again and shoved him, pushing so hard that he stumbled backwards several steps before tripping over his skateboard and falling to the ground in a heap. He whimpered again as pain radiated through his arm and leg, which had landed at awkward angles. In front of him Donnie snarled at him. “USELESS! GET OUT OF HERE MIKEY! DON'T EVER SPEAK TO ME AGAIN! YOU RUINED EVERYTHING!”

Mikey felt his heart clench painfully. He’d been trying to help. He felt tears form in his eyes. “I’m…….I……”

He flinched as Donnie slammed the door of his lab so hard that the entire lair seemed to shake. He stayed where he was, frozen in place. Donnie’s words had been hurtful. He felt tears begin to well up in his eyes. He tried to hold them back, tried to fight against the sobs that were starting to make his sides shake and heave. “I’m……..a…..ninja…….ninjas…….dont……….cry.”

But it was no uses, tears trickled down his face as he began to shake even more. His breathing became ragged and shallow. Behind him someone spoke. “Mikey…”

He flinched at the voice, spinning around to find Leo standing behind him looking at him. “Mikey……”

He tried to calm down, tried to stop the tears that fell from his eyes and to stop his sides from shaking; but it was impossible. In front of him Leo moved, slowly stepping forward before kneeling down next to him. “Mikey…….it’s ok. Just breathe.”

But he couldn’t. his sides heaven and shuddered as he tried to hold back the tears and pain that ripped at his chest and heart. "ninjas.......dont.....cry......"  
  
Yet no matter how hard to tried he could not stop tears from trickling down his face. He felt Leo move, shifting forward to wrap his arms around Mikey’s shoulder. “come one Mikey…..we’ll go to my room.”

He didn’t fight Leo’s movements, allowing himself to be led into the oldest turtle’s room before being set down on the small bed. “ok Mikey……let it out.”

It started as a small shudder that rolled up from his toes, but grew stronger and stronger until his entire body was shaking. Tears fell from his eyes as he buried his face against Leo’s chest and began to cry. Leo held him, gently rocking his body back and forth while rubbing his shell. “it’s ok Mikey…….it’s ok.”

He’d never seen Mikey this upset before. he’d never seen his youngest brother completely break down like this, to the point where he was almost hysterical. He’d never seen Mikey cry so hard that his nose began to run, never felt his body shake so badly that Leo thought he was going to fall off the bed. He’d NEVER seen his brother this upset before. Mikey’s entire body was curled up into a ball as sob after sob made his entire body sake. He did he could, holding Mikey as tightly as he could, rocking him, while rubbing his shell. He felt Mikey struggling to breath, trying to draw in long breaths that were ended by his sobbing. Shifting he touched Mikey's hand, noting that when he did so Mikey grabbed onto him, as though afraid he was going to leave.

“Mikey…….look at me.”

He felt Mikey move, slowly lifting his head to look at Leo who felt his heartbreak at the pain that was etched into every part of Mikey’s face.

“I…….i know I’m not Donnie…….but……..please……..tell me what happened…..speak to me…….tell me what I can do to make you better.”

He watched as Mikey's mouth opened and closed several times, the youngest turtle struggling to speak. Gently Leo squeezed Mikey a little tighter, willing him to understand that he was safe.

“please Mikey…….say something. tell me what to do.”

Mikey moved, burying his face against Leo’s shoulder while his mouth continued to open and close soundlessly. Leo held him tighter, willing Mikey to understand.

“I……..I………I…..”

He held Mikey tighter, trying to sooth him.

“it’s ok Mikey. I promise you’re ok. Everything is ok.”

Mikey took a deep shuddering breath. It felt like his mouth was filled with thick mud, while his throat felt impossibly dry. Yet he forced himself to speak, whimpering as his throat scratched and clawed at his voice.

“I…….just……….wanted…….to help.”

A second later Mikey went limp In Leo’s arms, alarming the oldest turtle who pulled back to examine his brother. He breathed a small sigh of relief when he found that Mikey had only fainted, his mind and body unable to handle the stress of what had happened to him. slowly Leo moved, pulling back the covers of his bed before laying them on top of Mikey’s unconscious form, before crawling into bed next to him and wrapping his arms around his youngest brother.

Part of him wanted to leave, to run to Donatello and beat the shit out of him for upsetting mikey this much. But another part of him needed to stay with Mikey. Needed to be sure that when he woke up it would be in someone’s loving embrace and not cold and alone. Silently he held Mikey a little tighter. He’d deal with Donatello tomorrow. Right now Mikey needed him and he was not about to abandon his brother when the youngest turtle needed him most.


	6. WORDS in anger PART 2

Slowly Donnie picked through the burned out soggy mess that was his lab. All around him countless experiments had been ruined, papers were either burned or soaking wet, and months worth of work and research was damaged, possibly beyond repair. Growling to himself he shut off the sprinklers. What had Mikey been doing in here? He’d told his youngest brother to not play around with anything in his lab; that it was dangerous and could him. Why then had the orange turtle been in here in the first place? Growling to himself Donnie began picking up the various scattered and soggy papers that lined the floor of his lab.

“Great……just great.”

He threw the papers into a nearby trashcan. Now he’d have to start all over. He’d have to find new chemicals, new components, start over from scratch. Throwing more papers into the trash Donnie did his best to straighten up his now ruined lab. He’d never been this mad before; hell he rarely ever got mad at all.

“What were you doing in here Mikey?”

It wasn't like he hadn’t told Mikey his lab was dangerous. Several times he’d made it very clear that Mikey was not to be in here alone, or without Donnie’s express permission. He’d made sure Mikey understood some of the experiments and chemicals in the lab could be dangerous, possibly even fatal; like the chemicals that had started the fire. If he hadn’t arrived when he did the fire could have gotten out of hand, could have spread through the lair and possibly injured or killed them. Growling again Donnie dumped another charred stack of papers into the trashcan.

So why had Mikey ignored those directions? Why had he come into the lab in the first place? He wasn't some 5 year old who needed to be constantly watched; he was 12 years old; old enough to know better than to mess with the things in the lab. Sighing Donnie rubbed his eyes. He’d cleaned up most of the mess; although his trashcan was now overflowing with charred and soaked pieces of paper. Groaning he turned his attention to his experiments. Slowly he moved, picking through the soaked electronics trying to figure out what he could salvage and what would need to be thrown away.

 

LEO’S POV

 

Leo watched as Mikey slept. Every so often the youngest turtle would whimper and shift. Occasionally his mouth would open and he’d mouth a word but no sound came from him. Biting his lip he moved hugging Mikey a little tighter, doing his best to ignore his desire to run out of the room and into Donnie’s lab. He wanted to confront his genius brother. Wanted to understand what Mikey had done that had made Donnie so mad that he’d said those horrible things, knowing full well how badly they would affect their youngest brother.

“Mikey?”

He spoke softly, trying to see if the small turtle was going to wake up anytime soon. Mikey gave no response to his voice. Making up his mind Leo shifted, slowly pulling away from Mikey while doing his best not to wake the still sleeping turtle. Getting t his feet he rubbed the fatigue from his eyes before leaving his room, doing his best to close the door silently before moving down the hallway through the living room and towards Donnie’s lab. Pushing the door open he found Donnie trying to organize the bit of work he’d been able to salvage.

“Are you stupid?”

Donnie looked up at him slightly confused.

“Huh?”

Leo growled and balled his hands into fists. Donnie’ response somehow made him madder.

“I asked you if you’re stupid.”

Donnie stopped what he was doing to look at Leo confused. “No.”

Leo narrowed his eyes coldly towards his brainy brother. Somehow Donnie’s attitude of having done no wrong was pissing him off even more. He remembered how upset Mikey had been, how the young turtle had sobbed and shook in his arms; so upset that he couldn't even breathe properly.

“Then maybe you can explain to me why you yelled at Mikey like that.”

Leo struggled to keep his voice calm as he spoke. He wanted to yell at his brother. To make Donnie afraid of him, to understand just how scared Donnie had made Mikey feel. But Donnie didn’t feel fear, instead his face showed confusion as he gestured to the lab around him.

“Leo…….he set my lab on fire. He ruined months of work and research. Not only that but he’s damaged projects that-”

But Leo snarled, cutting him off.

“We both know you’ll have all this stuff fixed in less than a month. Stop acting like its some HUGE inconvenience. I’ll bet you anything you’ve already started thinking of ways to tweak the experiments that got ruined.”

He could tell from the way that Donnie remained silent while biting his lip; that he was right. Snarling again Leo took an aggressive step forward.

“Yet you felt the need to yell at Mikey, knowing that he hates it when we yell. Not only that but you pushed him. You know how violence scares him. Yet you got aggressive with him and he hurt himself because of it. And then when he tried to explain what had happened you told him……”

Leo’s fists tightened, anger bubbling in his gut like some white hot liquid. Taking several deep breaths Leo willed himself to calm down; to speak clearly and not put his brother’s clueless face through the nearest wall.

“I’ve never seen him that upset Donnie. I’ve never seen Mikey so upset that he can barely breathe. He was almost hysterical all because you yelled at him.”

Donnie frowned feeling the cold anger in his gut loosen slightly.

“I…….I didn’t mean to do that. I just……….i was mad.”

Leo sighed. Looking around the lab he spoke.

“You know Mikey. He doesn’t do things on a whim. If he was in here it as for a good reason. Before he passed out…..” Leo noted that Donnie’s eyes widened slightly at this. “…he said he just wanted to help. Do you have any idea of what he meant by that?”

He watched his brother closely. Watching as Donnie turned and slowly looked around his lab.

“My results on the concrete diagnostics……”

Leo cocked his head.

“What?”

Donnie looked at him for a moment before moving over to the crammed full trashcan and began digging around for a set of soaked and blurry pages.

“A few days ago Mikey and I went and collected samples of concrete from various sections of the nearby sewers. Afterwards I was complaining because the results got scattered all over my lab…….then I started bitching about how messy my lab way……Mikey………”

Donnie broke off slightly as his arms began to shake as a feeling of dread began to well up in his gut like an ice cold stone. Was this what Mikey had been doing?

“Mikey……..he said he’d help me clean up the lab. But…….But I told him no. it would just get messy again, so why bother. I……….He……..”

Donnie’s words ended as tears began to form in his eyes. Things had begun to make sense now. As he’d thrown away reports and researched he’d noticed that some collections were stacked together in groups when they were normally scattered through the lab. At the time he’d dismissed it, thinking it was just a coincidence. But now he knew it hadn’t been a coincidence. His voice shook as he spoke.

“Mikey……..must have been in here trying to…….clean up my lab. He……he……”

Tears were trickling down his face now as he lifted his hand to cover his mouth. He’d been trying to help. Mikey had been trying to do something nice for him. His blood was cold as he remembered the look of fear and pain that had covered Mikey’s face as he’d screamed at him. He’d been mad; his lab was one of the few ways he could help protect his family. Without it he wasn't able to patch them up when they got injured or help them to improve their living conditions. And yet………he’d been so mad he’d forgotten that and instead had lashed out at the one person who didn’t deserve it.

“Leo…….I……..i need to see him. I………”

His was speaking in a rush; his words coming from his mouth before his mind fully understood what he wanted to say.

“I need to apologize and make sure he’s ok. I……I…….I……”

He felt Leo touch his shoulder, the contact making him flinch away from his oldest brother.

“Donnie…….take a deep breath.”

Donnie did as he was told; willing his heart to return to normal instead of the panicked and painful beats it was doing now.

“Mikey is asleep in my room.”

Donnie stayed where he was for a moment, taking more deep breaths before looking to Leo.

“Th….thank you Leo. I…….I…..”

Again Leo touched his shoulder, and this time Donnie did not flinch away.

“He is my brother too Donnie. I’ll care for him as I would care for any of you. But right now he doesn’t need me. He needs you. Now go.”

Donnie bit his lip but nodded before leaving Leo and his lab before making his way to Leo’s room. He stopped in front of the door, unsure of how he should proceed. Gently he knocked on the wooden panel.

“M…..Mikey……are you in there?’

He got no response, something that made his heart clench painfully. Mikey always responded when Donnie called to him.

“M……Mikey?”

Slowly he pushed open the door. Again his heart clenched as he found the blankets on Leo’s bed had been pulled up and over a large lump in Leo’s bed, undoubtedly Mikey.

Biting his lip Donnie slowly moved before sitting down on the very edge of the bed.

“Mikey…….I’m……….I’m sorry. I just………..I know you were trying to help. I know……you were trying to clean my lab. I just………..”

He took a deep breath, willing the feelings of guilt, pain, confusion, and desperation to leave his mind.

“I’m sorry. I know that’s not enough but…….I’m sorry.”

The lump under the blankets didn’t move. Again Donnie’s heart clenched painfully. He had scared his brother so badly that Mikey wouldn’t say anything to him? Had he damaged the trust the Mikey had put in him so badly the youngest turtle no longer felt safe around him? Tears began to drip down his face again. He’d messed up, not just a little but a lot; the worst he’d ever messed up before.

“Mikey…….please…….say something………anything……just………please……..”

He reached out; his hands trembled as he moved to touch the spot that he thought was Mikey’s shoulder. The moment his fingers touched the blankets they caved in. Donnie’s blood went ice cold. He gripped a fistful of the blankets and pulled them away from Leo’s bed, ripping them right off the mattress to reveal….

“Oh no….no……no."  
  
His stomach lurched painfully and for a moment he thought he was going to throw up.  
  
"please god no!”

Mikey was gone. All that remained of him was his orange head band which he’d left under the blankets.


	7. WORDS in anger PART 3

The sound of dripping and running water was the only sound around him. Mikey sniffed, holding his bruised arm against his body as he slowly walked through the sewer tunnel. He was alone…..exactly how he deserved to be. When he’d awoken in Leo’s bed he’d been alone; his oldest brother was gone. He’d lain in the bed feeling cold. Why hadn’t Leo stayed with him? why wasn't anyone there with him? The answer had made his heart clench in pain; because he was useless. Donnie had told him that, he’d shouted that he was useless before shoving him away. It was true. Out of all of them he was the most useless. Leo was their leader, Raph was the best fighter, Donnie was a genius, so then what was he? What did Mikey do for his family?

He sniffed softly, pausing for a moment to clutch his arms a little tighter as a chilly breeze blew through the tunnel making him shiver. He wished he could go back home. Wished he could go to Donnie and cuddle up to him for warmth. But he pushed that thought away as soon as he had it. Donnie had made it clear that he never wanted to see him again. His shoulders slumped a little more as he kept walking.

“They’ll…….be happier. They’re better off.”

It felt like a knife in his ribs but he knew it was true. His family was better off without him. Splinter wouldn’t have to waste his time trying to teach him martial arts and would instead be able to focus on his more talented children. Leo would have more time to meditate. Donnie would have more time to work on his experiments and research. And Raph………Raph would just be happier without him around. He tried to fight back the tears that trickled down his face as he forced himself to keep walking.

He wanted to turn around. To run back to the lair and beg his family to take him back. he’d do anything if it meant they would take him back. he’d do all their chores, clean their gear, he’d be their slave and sleep in the dirt, if it meant they’d let him stay with them. But he knew it was wrong. He knew if he did that he was being selfish; he’d be holding his family back, keeping them from reaching each of their true potential. So instead he kept walking, stopping only when he came to a fork in the tunnel. Slowly he looked down both of the tunnels in front of him.

Biting his lip he tried to decide which tunnel he should take. The tunnel on the left was the same size as the one he was in now. The tunnel on the right however had been boarded up with just enough space at the bottom to allow water to flow under the boards. Making up his mind Mikey moved and began tugging at the wooden boards that he been nailed over the right tunnel’s entrance. He grunted as he strained to pull the boards away. In the back of his mind he wished Raph was here, he’d be able to pull the boards away with no effort. A moment after he had that thought he felt bad. He was being selfish again. Raph had better things to do then help him.

He stopped pulling on the boards, instead leaning against the side of the tunnel to try and catch his breath. His arms ached slightly from the effort he’d given; especially the arm that he’d landed on when Donnie had pushed him. Looking at the boarded up entrance Mikey knelt down and did his best to examine the gap between the boards that allowed water to run through them. Although the gap was half underwater it looked as though it was large enough to allow him to slip through. He bit his lip again. There was only one problem with going through the gap; he didn’t know how to swim. Leo had been trying to teach him but……..

Mikey ground his teeth together in anger. Leo had spent so long trying to teach him how to swim. They’d gone to a shallow section of a nearby runoff tunnel where the current hadn’t been to strong. Leo would stand up to his waist in the water and do his best to teach him how to swim. But fear always got the best of him. He always ended up clinging to Leo’s arms terrified that his oldest brother would let him go and he’d float away. He steeled himself, mentally trying to work himself into a state where he could step into the water and do what he had to.

He took several deep breaths, willing his foot to move. A jolt of electricity shot through his body as his foot touched the water. His heart hammered painfully in his chest. He wanted to run back to his family, to fling himself into Donnie’s arms and never let go. But he forced himself to move, slowly lowering his leg into the cold water before forcing himself to step off the walkway he’d been on and into the water. Instantly he stumbled, the water’s current was strong. So strong that it pushed him against the boards that blocked the tunnel pinning him in place as the water rushed passed him. Slowly he shifted, turning to his chest was against the boards and his shell took most of the water’s force. He whimpered in fear, forcing himself to move downward, feeling the water slowly raise up passed his hips, then his stomach, then his chest; where he paused for a moment.

He was being pushed so hard against the boards that breathing was difficult; allowing him to only take half breaths. He gripped the boards tightly taking as deep a breath as he could. A moment later he forced his head under the water. Water rushed up his nose, making him cough and spluttered as he broke the surface of the water to gasp and whimper. His heart was beating frantically in his chest as he clung to the boards. His entire body was shaking partly out of the fear and partly because of how cold the water was. His legs and toes had gone numb from the cold and even as he stood there pinned to the boards he found his fingers were starting to go numb.

He whimpered more as he forced himself to close his eyes before reaching up to plug his nose. Taking as deep a breath as he could he dropped his head into the water and let go of the boards. Instantly the water’s current grabbed at him and shoved him against the gap between the boards. Forcing his body into an awkward position before shoving him between the boards and out the other side. As he passed through the gap pain lashed up his leg as he felt something cold and sharp slice through his flesh. Instinctively he opened his mouth to cry out, only to have water rush in; choking him and filling his lungs. He struggled against the current trying to get to the surface only to be dragged back down by the rolling current of the water. It took all of his strength to fight the current and after several moments of struggling managed to break the surface of the water. He frantically gasped for air, trying to fill his lungs as much as he could before the current grabbed him and pushed him sideways slamming him against the side of the tunnel.

His fingers worked, frantically scratching the side of the tunnel trying to find something, anything to grab onto the stop himself from being pulled further down the tunnel towards the unknown. But it was no good, the current was simply to strong as it pulled him down the tunnel continuously slamming him against debris and the side of the tunnel. His lungs ached with the need for air as he struggled to try and get to the surface again only to suck down a few seconds of air before being pulled under again. Something slammed against his head sending pain through his body. his voice echoed through the tunnel as he screamed in fear. The tears mixed with the water that clung to his face. He wanted to go home; he wanted to be with his family, and not here in this tunnel being swept away by the water.

He struggled with as much strength as he could muster, breaking the surface of the water while desperately searching for something to grab onto. Behind him he could hear a dull roaring growing louder and louder. He knew what that sound meant. His breathing became panicked as the roaring got louder and louder while his fingers scratched and clawed at the surface of the tunnel trying to stop himself from getting closer to the source of the roaring. All at once his stomach lurched as he was thrown out of the tunnel and into a sickening freefall. He screamed in fear as gravity gripped him and pulled him downwards. Above him the water of the tunnel poured over him, filling his mouth with water as he screamed.

Pain blasted through his body as his shell slammed against something hard and unmoving. He lay there on the cold stone the water crashed down somewhere to his right, narrowing missing him but still drenching him with the spray. Ever bone and muscle in his body ached as he coughed up the water from his lungs. He struggled to move managing to lift his head a few inches off the ground only to feel his stomach lurch and heave.

His sides shook as he vomited, his stomach ridding itself of its of the vile substance making him sob and heave. He struggled to draw breath he chest aching and wheezing as he did his best to inhale. His vision swam, blurring and unblurring as he struggled to bring the world around him into focus. Lower on his body he could feel something sickly warm and sticky dripping from his leg; his own blood. He wanted to curl up, to cry, to wake up from this horrible HORRIBLE nightmare and find himself still in Leo’s bed. he clamped his eyes shut, he didn’t want to be here anymore; he wanted to be…..

Mikey’s eyes flew open as a sound just in front of him made him look up. his head pounded and ached as he tilted his head upwards to look at the source of the sound. He winced as his world seemed to pulse for a moment as his vision darkened for a split second before clearing. His eyes widened as he found himself staring at a large monster partially covered in shadow; which towered over him. he wanted to open his mouth; to voice the fear that clawed at his insides and turned them ice col. as he took in the creature’s claws and sharp teeth. But his scream died in his throat as again his vision blurred and swam. His head dropped forward slamming into the cold stone ground under him. The last thought he had was of his family…….he hoped they’d be happy now that he was gone.


	8. WORDS in anger PART 4

Donatello sat in his lab, his head in his hands. In front of him he’d lain out a large map of the nearby sewer tunnels. On a dozen or so of the tunnels and large red X had been drawn; a symbol of his failure. He took deep breaths, willing himself not to cry as he looked over the slowly dwindling number of tunnels that they had not look at yet. 2 days……..it had been 2 day since Mikey had run away. 2 days since he’d yelled at his youngest brother and upset him so deeply that…….

“Donnie?”

Donatello flinched as he felt Leo touch his shoulder. His entire body jerking away from his oldest brother who looked at him concerned.

“Donnie……it’s ok.”

But he shook his head.

“no……no it’ not OK Leo. Nothing is OK.”

Leo sighed and looked at him.

“It was an accident Donnie. You never meant for this to happen.”

Donnie bit his lip. He knew that was true, and yet…….

“Then why did it happen? Why did I say those things to him?”

Leo sighed and shook his head.

“I don't know. I just……I don't know.”

Donatello bit his lip as he lowered his head back into his hands. He could feel Leo’s eyes watching him; it served to only make him more agitated. His hands shook slightly as his eyes scanned over the map again.

After a moment he spoke.

“I haven’t spent much time in the northern tunnels. If I leave now I can search a few of them before night and maybe……”

But his words died in his throat as the world spun, forcing him to grip the edges of the table tightly. He felt Leo rush forward to grab him by the shoulders to keep him steady.

“Donnie……what time do you think it is?”

Donnie took deep breaths willing his world to stop tilting; which it did after several seconds.

“It’s………almost 8pm?”

His voice shook slightly as he found that he wasn't exactly sure what time it was. Next to him Leo shook his head.

“Donnie…..it’s 3 in the morning. You’ve been up for almost 2 days straight. You’re exhausted and look like you’re gunna pass out at any moment. Get some sleep.”

But Donnie shook his head, before turning his attention back to the map.

“No…….I’ll sleep when Mikey……”

But his words trailed off as again the room spun and tilted making him feel vaguely nauseous. He groaned as he found himself feeling lightheaded. Behind him Leo spoke.

“That’s it Donnie……come on.”

Donnie groaned as Leo pulled him up and out of his chair before slinging Donnie’s arm over his shoulder. Before half marching half dragging Donnie from his lab. Donnie groaned and tried to resist but didn’t offer any real fight as Leo slowly guided him through the lair and towards his room.

“No…..”

Leo stopped moving, looking sideways at Donnie who shook his head.

“Donnie you need to sleep. Just a few hours and then we’ll all go back out to help you look. Even Raph is asleep.”

It was true; their red banded brother had stormed off to his room the moment they’d gotten back from their last search; grumbling about being tired. But again Donnie shook his head.

“Not……my room.”

Leo looked at him confused.

“Donnie, I don't understand.”

Donnie’s eyes fluttered as he jerked his head in the direction of Michelangelo’s room.

“Take me…..to Mikey’s…..room.”

Leo looked at him, slightly startled.

“Donnie? Why….”

But Donnie cut him off.

“It’s my fault……it’s all my fault……I need to suffer……I……..I need to atone for what I’ve done. Please…….just take me to his room. I’ll sleep, just……..not unless I’m in his room.”

Leo bit his lip. On one hand Donnie needed to rest. They’d been out searching for days and Donnie had been nearly frantic the entire time; tearing done tunnel after tunnel shouting Mikey’s name until his throat was raw and horse. At the same time however Leo had no doubt that Donnie’s need to ‘atone’ for his mistake could result in him causing permanent damage to himself, be it physical or emotional. He felt Donnie struggle, trying to move towards Mikey’s room on his own; his legs buckling and wobbling as he tried to stand without Leo’s help. Sighing Leo spoke.

“Ok Donnie….I’ll take you to his room. But…..I’m not leaving you alone. Ok?”

Donnie nodded and allowed himself to be led to Mikey’s room, pausing briefly as Leo opened the door before guiding him inside. As he helped Donnie towards Mikey’s bed Leo could not help but look around the slightly messy room. His eyes lingered over the shelves filled with action figures and collectables, the writing desk covered with sheets of random doodles. Laying Donatello down on the bed Leo sighed and sat down next to his genius brother as Donnie curled up into a ball while burying his face in the blankets of Mikey's bed.

“Donnie……”

He wanted to comfort Donnie, to do something that would snap the genius turtle out of this state he'd worked himself into. He watched as Donnie closed his eyes. Sighing again Leo moved, slowly lying down next to Donnie who looked at him for a moment. Donnie's normally vibrant eyes had changed; they were no longer bright but dull a sign of just how exhausted and upset he was.

“Leo…….what if…..what if……we don’t.......”

Donnie’s voice shook with fear as he spoke while tears dripped down his face. Leo didn’t need to let him finish the sentence; he knew what Donnie was thinking. ‘what if they never found Mikey?’ he reached out, pulling Donnie’s hands into his own before giving them a gentle squeeze trying to stop the trembled that wracked Donnie's entire body.

“We’ll find Mikey. But you need to rest now. We’ll go back out and find him in a few hours. I know we will. Ok?”

Donnie nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat before speaking.

“I…..I need him Leo. I need my little brother.”

Leo nodded, gently cupping Donnie’s cheek, stroking it with his thumb.

“I know Donnie…..I know. We’ll find him. Don’t worry.”

Donnie didn’t respond as his eyes fluttered before closing. Leo sighed and continued to rub his brother’s face with his thumb until he was sure Donnie had fallen asleep. Shifting slightly he tugged a spare blanket over his and Donnie’s form. He wouldn’t leave his brother like this. Not when Donnie needed him most. He would not fail his brother as he had failed Mikey. He’d stay with Donnie all night if he had to. He’d make sure that Donnie got the sleep he needed and then he'd help find Mikey and bring him back home. Making himself comfortable Leo closed his eyes, falling asleep within seconds.

 

=====================================================================

 

Slowly Mikey groaned as he began to regain consciousness. Opening his eyes he found that someone had placed something over his eyes, keeping his vision shrouded in darkness. He whimpered as he tried to move, everything hurt. His leg pulsed painfully while his head throbbed dully. But he felt the most pain from his shell, it felt as though someone had been pulling on the heavy metal plates; which no longer felt secure but oddly.....loose. As he inhaled he found that there was a dull pressure against his chest and no matter how much he inhaled it never felt like he was getting enough oxygen. He tried to move, but froze as he felt something scaly and very big touch his chest. A moment later a deep rumbling scratchy voice spoke.

“Do not move little one. You have been gravely injured.”

Mikey gasped as something cool and soft was pressed against his forehead, making him groan in slight pain.

“What…..what….happened?”

He felt a large body shift next to him before speaking.

“Drink.”

As the voice spoke he put something to Mikey’s lips and tilted it, allowing the cool liquid to brush against Mikey’s lips. His mouth opened automatically as he swallowed a small mouthful of the liquid which had a vague minty flavor to it.

“What……what is it?”

As the voice put the bowl down he spoke.

“A small dose of natural sedative. It will help with the pain you’re feeling and it will make you sleepy. Rest for now. I will answer all your questions later. But for now you must rest.”

Mikey opened his mouth to protest but found his voice died in his throat as a wave of fatigue washed over him. He panted nervously as he felt the muscles in his body slowly begin to relax on their own. Again something cool and soft was pressed against his forehead. Above him the voice spoke.

“My name is leatherhead.........I will care for you youngling. Do not be afraid.”

Despite leatherhead’s words Mikey whimpered. He appreciated leatherhead’s care, but he could not help but wish his family was here with him. But his thoughts were becoming foggy now. He groaned as his eyes drifted shut. He struggled to speak, to voice the thought that echoed in his head before he fell asleep.

“Wanna……go…..home. Want.........Donnie......”


	9. WORDS in anger PART 5

Mikey was getting worse. Looking down at the small turtle Leatherhead could not help but feel the pangs of fear claw at his insides. It had been almost a week since he’d found the small turtle. He’d done his best to care for him. After finding him in the tunnels he’d rushed him home, done his best to get the turtle dry and warm before trying to clean out his injures so they did not get infected. He’d stitched the turtle’s leg injury closed and had wrapped it in a clean towel before tying it off with several belts to keep it secure, before using several rolls of duct tape to try and hold the turtle’s cracked and broken shell in place. Yes the boy had developed a small cold, but that was to be expected considering how cold the water was and that fact that turtle’s were still reptiles. However now he knew.

He’d learned of it after talking Mikey for a while. He’d asked if Mikey was feeling ok. The turtle had nodded but had commented that his injured leg was a little itchy. Leatherhead had chuckled. He’d slowly undone the belts that were keeping the towel wrapped around Mikey’s injured leg. His nose had wrinkled as the smell met his nostrils, a smell that was not supposed to be there. He’d peeled back the towel, praying that he would not find what he knew was already there. The skin around the injury was starting to bubble. All along the gash he could see small drops of yellow puss leaking out; a sign that despite his best efforts the injury had become infected.

Mikey had spoken; asking him how the injury was looking, since he couldn't see it for himself. He’d lied; he’d told Mikey the injury looked good. He’d moved gently, touching the leg, running his claws along it to try and alleviate the itchiness Mikey had complained of. As he touched the bubbles of skin more puss began to leak from Mikey’s injury. The situation was bad. He’d put Mikey to sleep shortly after that. Making sure the young turtle drank every drop of the sedative before returning his attention back to the infected limb.

His lips curled with a mixture of revolution and anger as the smell of the infection hit his nose; the smell of rotting flesh making him want to vomit and cough. But he pushed through his discomfort. Maneuvering Mikey’s leg he had done his best to drain the puss from Mikey’s injury into a small bucket. He’d worked every bubble pressing on it and watching, horrified and disgusted as the puss drained from Mikey’s leg. Once every bubble was drained he washed Mikey’s leg doing his best not to wake the sleeping turtle as he gently scrubbed the gash before wrapping it in a new towel before tying it back up with the belts and disposing of the old towel and bucket.

He’d prayed that would be the end of it. That Mikey would get better; but his prayers went unanswered. The next day Mikey’s fever had gotten worse, and after only taking 3 bites of bread the young turtle’s sides had heaved making him vomit all over the floor of the train car they were in. Leatherhead tried to keep his hands from shaking as he dabbed the cold cloth against Mikey’s forehead. Under him the young turtle groaned managed to mumble an apology before sleep had taken him once more.

Nights were by far the worst. The first few days had been ok; Mikey would sleep normally. But after the 4th day he shivered despite being buried under several blankets and towels Leatherhead had piled on top of him. He’d watched helpless as Mikey continued to shiver, obviously cold. In the end he did the only thing he could do, curling his body in a small circle before settling Mikey in the middle, using his own body heat to try and keep the smaller retile warm. He’d been alarmed when he felt Mikey’s arm move, wriggling through the blankets searching for something. He’d moved, reaching out to touch Mikey’s shoulder only to have his eyes widen slightly as Mikey’s hand touched his own, wrapping around his arm seeking comfort.

The young turtle talked in his sleep. Speaking so softly that Leatherhead had to strain to hear what he was saying. He talked about his family, his brothers and father. But in particular one brother named Donnie. In his sleep he’d plead with Donnie not to send him away. He’d beg for forgiveness, pleading with his brother only to fall silent as he’d begin to shake and sob. But Mikey’s mumbles did help Leatherhead; he learned that Donnie was the family doctor. He would know what to do to help Mikey.

The next morning Mikey hadn’t woken up from his sleep. Leatherhead gently poured cold water down the turtle’s throat, doing his best to try and cool Mikey whose skin had turned ghostly pale yet still felt extremely hot. He’d turned his back to fill up the bowl with water he’d heard it; a kind of gagging cough that made him drop the bowl and spun around to look at Mikey in horror. Mikey’s entire body jerked and twitched, his limbs spasming and flailing out of control as the seizure wracked his body. It wasn't often that Leatherhead cried, but in that moment he had. He’d done the only thing he could do, pulling the young turtle against his body as tightly as he could, trying to keep Mikey’s limbs from jerking around while he put his forehead against the young turtle’s.

“Please……..”

He’d never put much stock in faith or god. He’d never had a reason to. He’d never saw the point. But now……

“Please……..”

His voice shook as he spoke, small tears dripping down his face onto Mikey’s skin as he clutched the small turtle against his heart.

“Please………don't take my only friend away from me. Don’t………don't leave me alone again.”

As he spoke he clutched Mikey tighter, willing the turtle’s body to stop trembling and jerking; willing god to understand how desperate he was to keep Mikey with him. Slowly Mikey’s body began to relax, his jerks and twitches become weaker and weaker; yet still Leatherhead clung to the small turtle. He knew he couldn't keep this up. Mikey needed help, REAL help, from someone who knew what to do.

 

LATER

 

Slowly Mikey’s eyes opened. He smiled weakly at Leatherhead who leaned in to dab his forehead with the cold cloth.

“Mikey…….can you hear me?”

Mikey nodded, his mouth opened slowly to speak in a horse voice.

“……hurts……”

Leatherhead nodded, he wanted to give Mikey more sedative, to take away the turtle’s pain. But he needed Mikey awake, needed him conscious for this.

“Mikey……I need you to listen to me. Where does your family live?”

Mikey’s body stiffed slightly before he spoke, his voice quivering slightly.

“L….lair.”

Leatherhead nodded, continuing to dab at Mikey’s forehead.

“Where is the lair?”

He pulled the cool cloth away, watching as Mikey’s eyes fluttered slightly, the normally blue orbs having gone cloudy.

“Please…….don’t…..don’t send me away…..I’m sorry…..I’m sorry. I promise I’ll be good……please……”

Gently Leatherhead pushed in, wrapping his arms around the cocoon of blankets Mikey was in; willing the young turtle to understand.

“Mikey…..where is it?”

Mikey began to whimper, tears beginning to fall from his eyes.

“…..wanna……go….home……want….Donnie………please…..”

He pressed in tighter, hugging the cocoon of blankets and Mikey against his chest.

“Where is home Mikey? Where is your home?”

Mikey let out a pained gasp, one word leaving his mouth before his body went limp.

“DuPont.”

Gathering up Mikey’s cocoon of blankets Leatherhead slowly carried him out of the train car he called home and over to a nearby wall. On the wall a large map of the nearby stations of tunnels had been left by the construction workers that had built these tunnels years ago. Scanning the map he soon found the ‘Dupont’ station; but growled as he did so.

The station almost a mile away from where they were now. Worse still he knew that several of the tunnels that would have taken him directly to DuPont had caved in over the years which meant he’d have to take an extremely round about path to the station. Not only that but as he looked at the map further he found that the DuPont tunnel was one of the larger ones; spanning several miles which meant it could take days to search the entire tunnel; time Mikey did not have.

He clutched Mikey tighter to his body as he began walking. He didn’t care if it seemed impossible. He didn’t care if the chances of him finding Mikey’s home were slim. He was going to find Mikey’s family, and they were going to save him. And if they refused…….he would MAKE them save Mikey.


	10. WORDS of anger PART 6

Leo didn’t say a word, instead focusing on the task he was performing; bandaging up Donatello’s arm and wrist. The two brother’s sat in silence, neither of them speaking as Leo worked. Despite his focus Leo could not stop the feeling of dread from bubbling in his gut. Things were getting out of hand. Mikey’s disappearance was tearing his family apart. Master splinter hadn’t left his room in 2 days, not even to eat. Raph was even more pissed off than usual, to the point of smashing several pieces of exercise equipment into bits. And Donnie…….

Silently Leo finished his task, making sure Donnie’s bandage was secure before looking at his brother. Donnie’s face was blank, just…..empty.

“Donnie…….say something…….please…..”

Donnie didn’t speak, only looked up at him for a moment before dropping his gaze back down to the floor.

“Please……..don’t tell anyone.”

Leo stared at him stunned. How could Donnie think he was going to keep this a secret from Splinter? Across from him Donnie looked at him pleadingly.

“Please Leo…….please don't tell anyone.”

Leo closed his eyes for a moment before speaking to Donnie.

“Donnie……you……..”

 

He’d woken up and sat bolt upright; a feeling of mind numbing dread clawing at his insides. He’d never felt this scared before; his entire body had trembled as he’d thrown himself out of bed. He practically ripped his bedroom door off its hinges as he threw it open before running down the hallway, the feeling of dread getting so strong he felt like he might vomit. He’d burst into the kitchen his entire body drenched from head to toe in cold sweat. In front of him Donnie had looked up from across the kitchen, blood bubbling up from the cuts on his arm and wrist while he held a small knife in his other hand. For what felt like an eternity the 2 brother’s had looked at each other, Leo’s eyes widen in fear while Donnie’s eyes were painfully empty. He’d spoken his face shaking with fear.

“D….D…..Donnie?”

Donnie had looked at him, his mouth slowly opening and closing, trying to speak; trying to explain why he’d tried to……

“I……….I’m sorry.”

As the words left his mouth he began to shake. The knife slipped passed his fingers, landing blade down and quivering in the floor, while Donnie shrank back from Leo who moved in closer.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

He repeated those words over and over again as he felt Leo’s arms wrap around his shoulders, before pulling Donnie against Leo’s body. Gently rocking him, trying to comfort the upset turtle. He did his best to sooth Donnie, rubbing his shell and neck, nuzzling Donnie’s cheek, while whispering to him; “it’s ok Donnie, we’ll be ok.”

Donnie had cried harder, his entire body shaking as he buried his face against Leo’s chest to muffle the sound of his cries. He clung to Donnie, willing his younger brother to understand that everything would be ok, eventually. Donnie’s voice was weak, and shook as he spoke.

“I miss him Leo…..i want my brother back…….I…….I want Mikey back.”

Leo’s wrap on Donnie tightened.

“I know Donnie. We all do. We all want him back.”

It was the truth; the lair had changed without Mikey. No one smiled or laughed anymore. They hardly spoke to each other and when they did it was in short one word responses. They felt…….isolated; each of them wanting to help the other but not knowing what to do.

 

Leo sighed and looked at Donnie for a long time before speaking.

“Ok Donnie…….i won’t tell anyone. But…….please…….you have to snap out of this. We’ll find Mikey. I know we will. We’ll bring him back and everything will go back to how it used to be. Ok?”

Donnie sniffed loudly before speaking, his voice soft and weak.

“Why did this happen Leo?”

Leo sighed again, moving so he could rest his shell against the cabinets Donnie was leaning against, before pulling Donnie against his chest.

“I don't know Donnie…….but it’ll get better. I promise…..”

Donnie looked at him, his eyes filled with a mixture of fear and hope.

“How……do you know?”

Leo smiled weakly at his brother.

“Because I’m the leader, and what I say goes. I say we’ll find Mikey and everything will be better. So that’s what will happen. Ok?”

Donnie sniffed loudly, a small smile spreading across his face.

“O…..ok.”

Slowly they got to their feet, Leo bending down to pick up the knife before rinsing it off in the sink and putting it back in the drawer. Turning to Donnie he found his purple brother standing nervously behind him, shifting his weight from one leg to another. Smiling reassuringly to Donnie Leo spoke.

“Do you wanna sleep with me tonight?”

Donnie nodded, his face turned down so he was looking at the floor. Taking Donnie’s hand Leo led his younger brother to his room, allowing Donnie to step inside before closing the door behind him; plunging the room into darkness. He led Donnie to the bed, climbing in first and settling himself down before allowing Donnie to crawl in and rest against his chest.

“Donnie………..please don't do that again.”

In the darkness Donnie sniffed softly.

“I’m sorry Mikey…….please come back.”

Leo squeezed Donnie’s body.

 

=====================================================================================

 

Leatherhead groaned. His muscles were beginning to ache, and his stomach was starting to give off faint rumbles as he slowly walked through the tunnel, clutching the nest of blankets and Mikey in his arms. He’d been walking for hours; no……it had been longer then that……maybe days? He pushed past his discomfort; his tired muscles and empty stomach were a small price to pay if it meant he could save Mikey’s life. In his arms he felt Mikey shift slightly.

“…….sorry Donnie……..don’t send me……away…….please…….love you……don't…..”

He clutched Mikey tighter to his chest. A few hours after they’d left the train car Mikey had fallen asleep. Now he mumbled while he slept. Pausing for a moment leatherhead looked at the array of tunnels in front of him for a moment before finding the one he wanted. Heading down that tunnel he held Mikey a little tighter as the turtle began to move again, his arms and hands clawing at the blankets around him.

“……..promise……..be good…..want Donnie…….want Donnie….”

He wanted to stop, to wake Mikey up and comfort the upset turtle, but he had to press on. He smell of Mikey’s infection was getting stronger, a sign that Mikey needed help as soon as possible; which meant that he couldn't stop, not for anything. Following the tunnel he was in leatherhead turned right, then left, then right again before stepping out into another junction tunnel. To his right the tunnel forked, splitting up into several tunnels, while to his left the tunnel slowly sloped upwards, the direction he needed to go. Stepping into the left tunnel leatherhead grumbled as he felt ankle deep water push at his feet with each step. It might not have been enough to make him fall; but it was enough to force him to move slower or risk falling.

“……..want Donnie……want Donnie……want Donnie…….”

Leatherhead’s eyes flicked to Mikey. His skin was even paler then when they had left the train car; and he could see small beads of sweat had formed on Mikey’s skin. Gently he dabbed at those beads with a small rag, doing his best to keep Mikey comfortable as he carried him. In his arms Mikey continued to moan and speak; continuously calling for Donnie.

Leatherhead bit his lip; what kind of a person would send away their own brother when their brother so clearly needed him? What kind of person was this ‘Donnie’ to have abandoned his brother when Mikey clearly needed him? His grip around Mikey’s blankets tightened. Donnie had better pray that Mikey would get better……or else, VERY bad things would happen to him.

Reaching the top of the tunnel leatherhead let out a small sigh of relief as he found himself emerging from a storm drain runoff tunnel into the large abandoned ‘Dupont tunnel.’ This tunnel was a few degrees warmer, something that gave him a small ‘pick-me-up’ as he stomped through the tunnel searching for Mikey’s home. With each step he scanned the walls of the tunnel, trying to find some door or tunnel that would lead him to Mikey’s home. His eyes strained as they scanned each brick and crack, he had to find Mikey’s home, he HAD to. There was no ‘if’s or ‘maybe’s about it. He HAD to find Mikey’s home or Mikey would die……and he’d be alone again.

In his arms making gave off a sickening cough that made leatherhead stop in his tracks. He watched, his eyes filled with horror as Mikey slowly opened his eyes and looked up at him. Mikey’s eyes were cloudy as they flicked from side to side.

“S….sorry…..”

A second later Mikey began to jerk and twitch as another seizer wracked his body. Leatherhead pressed in, holding onto Mikey as tightly as he could; doing his best to keep the slam turtle from hurting himself as he spasmed and jerked uncontrollably. Feelings of helplessness bubbled in his stomach as he stumbled backwards his back hitting the wall of the tunnel. Mikey was out of time, he needed help right now. Tears blurred leatherhead’s eyes as he looked down the tunnel he was in. he hadn’t even searched a 10th of the tunnel; he did not have time to search the rest, which only left him one option.

Opening his mouth he filled his lungs with as much air as they could hold; inflating them until they ached in his chest. Throwing his head forward he roared, letting out a blood curdling roar that echoed around him and down the tunnel, moving away from him as he again filled his lungs before letting out another roar, and then another, and another; only stopping when his throat was horse and dry. He sank to the ground, suddenly feeling very drained and tired. In his arms Mikey groaned, the small turtle had stopped twitching and was now lying still……almost to still. With great effort leatherhead nuzzled his snout against Mikey’s cheek.

“Please little one…….stay with me…..don’t leave me.”

Small tears began to fall from his eyes as Mikey didn’t respond.

 

=====================================================================================

 

Raphael, Leonardo and Donatello ran through the sewers, searching for the source of the roars. They’d all been asleep when the roars had woken them up. Now they were running through the tunnels, following their ears as the echoes began to diminish and fade. Turning down another tunnel they froze. The echoing roars had died down, but they could hear something……..crying…….

“Be careful guys……it could be a trap.”

Leo spoke what they were all thinking as they inched down the tunnel towards the sounds. The tunnel was dark, their eyes only allowing them to see maybe 10 feet in front of them. Each shape could be a trap, every shadow could contain and enemy. Slowly a figure loomed out of the darkness.

Their eyes widened as they took in the massive figure that sat hunched over against the tunnel walls. Donnie nervously looked to Raph who glanced at Leo who watched as the figure slowly shook as the sounds of crying continued.

“Please little one…….please stay with me………don't leave me…..”

The brothers took a step forward. When the figure showed no sign of noticing them Leo spoke.

“Who are you? What are you doing here?”

The figure shifted, the creature’s head snapping up to look around in the darkness.

“Are you a turtle?”

The brothers blinked, why would the creature…… but their thoughts were cut off as the creature began to speak desperately.

“Please, you have to help him! He’s sick, he won’t wake up. Please don't let him die!”

The creature’s ragged voice echoed inside the tunnel. Leo glanced to Donnie and Raph before slowly nodding his head, watching as Raph shifted back slightly, ready to attack if the creature tried to attack them. Slowly Leo stepped forward towards the creature who turned to look at him as he came into view. Leo paused for a second, taking in the creature’s large build, elongated face and razor sharp teeth. Taking a deep breath Leo continued to move, opening his mouth to speak as he did so.

“My name is-”

But the creature cut him off, struggling to its feet as it spoke.

“Leonardo. He speaks of you. Please help him!”

Leo felt his eyes widen as the creature spoke his name. Nervously he glanced back to Donnie and Raph before taking another step forward.

“Who is ‘he’?”

He watched as the creature shifted, leaning forward to reveal a large bundle it was holding in his arms. Leo felt his heart clench as he saw what was in the bundle. Behind him he felt Donnie rush past him, running towards the creature and its bundle; as Donnie’s voice erupted from his mouth.

“MIKEY!”


	11. WORDS in healing PART 1

From his corner of the room Leatherhead watched them. he’d followed them to their lair, continuing to carry Mikey in the bundle of blankets. Once there he’d been led into a room, Donnie’s lab; where he’d lain Mikey out on a table for Donnie to examine. He growled at Donnie, as the purple turtle had moved to touch Mikey. It wasn't an aggressive growl but a warning….. And now he watched. His eyes taking in everything as Donnie examined Mikey’s leg and shell; Donnie’s face becoming more and more worried the long her examined them.

   
  


“oh god…..”

Donnie’s voice shook as he looked to his brothers who seemed to know just badly Mikey was injured. Leo stepped forward, putting his hand on Donnie’s shoulder.

“Tell us what to do Donnie. How can we help?”

Looking back at Mikey Donnie took a deep breath before speaking, giving his brother’s directions to gather the supplies he would need. Taking another deep breath he got to work, preparing an IV Donnie slowly worked until he found a vein in his brother’s arm before starting the IV to help keep Mikey hydrated. Then he worked on Mikey’s leg, draining and cleaning the injury before moving to disinfect it; his nose wrinkling at the smell and sound the injury made as he dabbed it with rubbing alcohol.

“naaaaaa.”

They all tensed up, watching as Mikey's face changed, becoming pained for a moment before relaxing. Donnie bit his lip, his hands shook as he continued to disinfect Mikey’s leg.

“I know Mikey……I know it hurts…..but it’ll help you…..please…..just bare with it.”

He kept his voice low. If he spoke to loudly his brother’s would hear just how baldy his voice shook. He kept his head down, working as best he could, occasionally asking his brothers to help him by handing him tools or getting him clean rags to use. After almost an hour he dropped the cloth he had been using to the floor, no longer able to stand the horrible shade of red the blue cloth had becoming. His entire body was shaking as small tears welled up in his eyes. It was to much……he couldn't fix this…..it was too much damage.

“my son?”

His father’s words made him flinch as though he’d been threatened. He didn’t look up, instead keeping his face looking down at the ground in shame. He was the doctor…..the family medi, he should have been able to help Mikey…..and yet…….

“I…..i can't…….it’s too much…….there’s so much damage…….I……..”

He felt the tears begin to trickle down his face. this was his fault, all of it was his fault……he flinched, his entire body jerking in a mixture of fear, shame, and surprise as he felt Splinter touch his shoulder.

“my son…..talk to us….”

He took a deep shuddering breath, his sides heaving as he did so.

“his leg……..I……..it’s  too deep…….I……”

He took another breath, willing the cold panic that was raging in his body to diminish as he spoke.

“I’ve cleaned out the infection…….but….his muscles……..some of them are too badly damaged…..I………..i can't restore all of them…..”

He felt his father’s grip on his shoulder change slightly, for a fraction of a second it tightened as those words sunk into Splinter’s head. His felt a fresh wave of shame well up in his stomach. Behind him Raph spoke; his voice low and uncertain.

“Donnie……what……what does that mean?”

Donnie opened his mouth to speak, only to close it again. he couldn't say it…..not out loud…..if he did……if he said those words…….they’d be real……. He felt a fresh wave of tears begin to fall down his face. his sides shook and heaved as his silent sobs wracked his body. Behind him Splinter spoke, ever word filled with sadness.

“it means……..Michelangelo’s leg will……never fully recover from this injury.”  


there was silence for a moment before Raph spoke again.

“So……he’ll have a scar?”

Donnie shook his head, sniffing loudly as he did so. After a moment he forced himself to speak, to open his mouth and say the words that made his heart stop in cold fear and shame.

“the muscles……….some of them are completely…….severed from the bone………I don't…………he’ll……….never……….”

He felt more hands touch his shoulder, his brothers and father closing in around him; hugging him. he growled and tried to push them away. he didn’t want their love, he wanted them to hate him. he wanted his brothers to yell at him. to call him a failure, to call him pathetic. He wanted his father to get angry, to yell and hit him and tell him he was useless to the family…….because that was what he was. He was the medic….he was supposed to be able to patch all of them up if they got injured, and yet right now……when his baby brother needed him most of all…..he couldn't do anything. Yes he could sew up Mikey’s leg and do his best to help him recover but…….Mikey would never regain full use of his leg. He would most likely never walk again without a limp and he would probably be in constant pain for the rest of his life…..all because he; Donnie was useless. He felt his father move, kneeling down next to him.

“My son…….”

But he shook his head, more tears falling from his eyes; blurring his vision.

“I can't…….i can't fix this……..I……..it’s all my fault…….i did this to him……….i can't……”

He buried his face against his father’s chest as he cried. He felt his father move, shifting so he could wrap his arms around Donnie’s body as he cried; holdng him tightly as his genius son’s sides shook and heaved with as he sobbed.

“my son……..”

But his words died down as Donnie spoke, his voice shaking and heaving as he continued to sob.

“punish me……..i’ll do anything just……..punish me……..please…..”

Splinter inhaled sharply before sighing. Gently he pulled back, looking down at his purple son who continued to shake but looked up at him awaiting his punishment. Sighing again Splinter spoke.

“my son…….i’m not going to punish you. Instead………..i’m going to ask you…….please…………do as much for your brother as you can……..save as much of him as you can……..do this for me.”

Donnie sniffed loudly again.

“but……I can't…….i can't fix this…..he’ll always be……….”

His voice died, he couldn't say it. he couldn’t say ‘crippled’. he watched as Splinter looked down at him for another moment before nodding.

“not everything can be fixed…….the point is to try and fix as much as you can…..and hope that your brother can overcome the rest……..ok?”

Donnie nodded, reaching up to wipe away the tears that still clung to his face. Slowly he turned back to his brother who lay on the table, so injured and battered but still……not completely broken. He forced himself to breath, to pick up the needle and thread his brother’s had brought him and begin working; doing his best to repair as many muscles as he could before sewing the injury closed and wrapping it in clean medical gauze and bandages.

  
 

As his son worked Splinter turned to the new comer in the room; the large alligator who watched their family trauma like some kind of monster from the darkness.

“what……what is your name?”

He was startled to find his voice shaking. He watched as the alligator turned to him, looking him up and down for several moments before speaking.

“Leatherhead………my name is Leatherhead.”

Pausing for a moment Splinter swallowed, before slowly bowing to Leatherhead; ignoring his animal instinct to not take his eyes of the predator standing before him.

“thank you…….thank you for finding my son and caring for him. thank you for bringing him back……..thank you.”

He felt something next to him. Glancing sideways he found his oldest son was next to him, bowing to Leatherhead as well. In front of them Leatherhead shifted, standing up to his full height before speaking.

“Fix him. After that…….we’ll leave……you’ll never see us again…….just fix him.”

Splinter’s body jerked, straightening up to look at Leatherhead. Next to him he felt Leo’s hands grip his robes, uncertainty radiating from the grip.

“wh…what?”

Leo’s voice was weak and fearful. The blue banded turtle shrank bck as Leatherhead turned slightly to look at him.

“You threw him out. Exiled him because he did something……..i only brought him back to you could help him. once that’s done……we’ll leave……I promise you’ll never come back…….just fix him.”

But Splinter shook his head.

“no…..my son will stay with us. I will not let you take him from me…..i will not lose another child.”

Leatherhead stiffened, a faint hiss escaping from his mouth. Splinter felt Leo shrink back slightly out of fear. But he stood firm, his gaze meeting Leatherhead’s with as much intensity as he the alligator’s. for several moments he fears they might fight. He watched, his heart hammering as in front of him Leatherhead continued to glare at him for several minutes before speaking, his voice low and threatening.

“we’ll see what he wants.”

Slowly Splinter nodded, his body relaxing slightly.

“yes, we will.”

 

** LATER **

 

The lair was silent now. There was nothing more they could do now. Splinter had sent Leo and Raph to bed hours ago, before saying he was going to meditate for a while. Even leatherhead had gone; the large alligator lumbering off into the sewers to find something to eat. Now he was alone with Mikey. He shifted, reaching out to take Mikey’s unconscious hand.

“Please………”

His voice shook as he spoke, in front of him Mikey showed no signs of having heard him.

“Please Mikey……….please come back………please.”

Gently he squeezed Mikey’s hand, willing Mikey to return the gesture.

“Please……wake up……we need you…….I…….I need you…….please……”

He knew it was pointless. He knew Mikey was unconscious and couldn't hear him. but still……..he clung to Mikey’s hand, repeating those words over and over until his body reached its limit and he too fell unconscious as sleep took him.

“Please Mikey……I need you.”


	12. WORDS of healing PART 2

** RAPH’S POV **

 

As much as they all wanted to keep watch over their youngest brother splinter had decided that it would be best for them to do so in shifts, with Raph going first, then Leo, then Donnie and finally splinter himself. When they had protested, pleading with him to let them all watch Mikey together splinter had insisted; stating that being alone would also give each of them time to process what had happened to Mikey on their own time. Sighing Raph remembered what splinter had said. That even though Mikey was unconscious talking to him would help aid his recovery.

“Hey…….Mikey…….can you hear me?”

Mikey didn’t respond; again Raph sighed.

“So…….look……….i know we don't talk much……I guess I scare you. I promise……I don't do it on purpose…..I just………”

He sighed again, running his hand over his face. Why was this so hard for him? He got along with Donnie just fine, and Leo……well he had his good days. Why then did he have such a hard time with Mikey? Why did the youngest turtle always seem to shy away from him when they were in the same room? Why did Mikey seem to fear him?

“Why can't we be friends Mikey? Why are you so scared of me? Is it cause I yell? Is it cause I’m bigger than you? Is it cause I was a jerk to you when we were little? Why……”

He bit his lip as he felt something well up in his stomach, like a heavy rock that pulled at his insides.  He felt small tears well up in his eyes as he continued to look at his youngest brother.

“Why…….why can't we be friends Mikey? I…….I……I want us to be friends………please……”

His hands were shaking as he spoke. Nervously he balled them into firsts before pressing them against his legs so hard that they hurt.

“I promise……if you wake up……..I’ll be quieter……I’ll be friendlier……..I’ll………try to keep my anger in check just……….just please…….wake up……”

Behind him he felt someone touch his shoulder, an action which made him flinch in surprise before twisting to find Leo was standing behind him. Raph gnashed his teeth together. He didn’t like the idea of anyone seeing him this……

But his thoughts trailed off as Leo pulled him into a hug. For a moment he just stood there, feeling Leo’s warmth as the hug prolonged…….then slowly…….his arms moved, wrapping around Leo’s body as he returned the hug. After a moment Leo chuckled.

“You’re such a big softy Raph.”

Raph's response was to give off a low threatening growl.

****

** LEO’S POV **

****

Raph closed the door as he left, leaving Leo alone with Mikey. Slowly Leo took a seat next to the bed, his eyes roving over Mikey’s unconscious body. He felt guilt well up in his stomach, like a cold blade being pressed deeper and deeper into his body. This was his fault. Ok maybe not all of it…..but most of it. He shouldn’t have left Mikey alone after that. He shouldn’t have gone off to berate Donnie; he should have stayed in bed with Mikey until the youngest had woken up.

“I’m sorry……”

His voice shook as he spoke. It wasn't often that he felt shame, or fear or guilt but now all 3 emotions swirled around inside him making him feel dizzy and sick. His fingers gripped the edge of the bed for support. He felt as if he let go he’d fall backwards into the swirling storm of emotions that clawed at his insides. He was the oldest. He was their leader. He was supposed make sure they were safe; but he’d failed, and because of that failure Mikey had been hurt, possibly for the rest of his life.

“I’m sorry Mikey…….I’m so sorry.”

He reached out, touching his little brother’s hand, Leo felt slightly relieved that Mikey’s skin was no longer cold. He wanted to say something, anything if it would make Mikey come back. Gently he took Mikey’s hands into his own. He was the leader, splinter had entrusted him with that honor and burden. It was his responsibility to make sure they stayed together as a family and as a team.

“Come back to us…….that’s………that’s an order from your leader………ok?”

Mikey didn’t respond. Taking a deep breath Leo willed himself to stay calm, to not cry despite the feeling of tears welling up in his eyes.

He’d always pushed Mikey. Always pushed the smallest orange turtle to be just a little bit better. Whenever Mikey made a mistake in a kata or messed up in training he was there to point out the mistake before telling Mikey to do it again. It wasn’t out of anger or the need to b mean. It was because Mikey had the potential to be the best of all of them. Several years ago he’d seen a sliver of that potential.

They’d been practicing of the plum flower poles, each of them moving very slowly for fear of falling. But Mikey hadn’t gone slow. He bounced and hopped from one pole to the next, laughing and giggling the whole time. While they had been scared and unsure Mikey had been confident and precise. While they simply tried to keep their balance Mikey would race across the poles around them with ease. It had taken the rest of them months to even gain a single shred of confidence but that same confidence had come to Mikey almost instantly.

And yet at other times the situation was completely reversed. Whenever they were made to spare against each other Leo could see the fear in Mikey’s face. The orange banded turtle’s face would become consumed by fear, uncertainty and pain. His arms would shake and his breathing would become shallow and panicked. And while he was still able to move and defend himself he never lashed out, never went on the offensive to attack them; he always remained defensive. Always ducking, dodging and weaving out of their attacks but never attacking them. And if he ever did accidentally make contact with one of them, rather than celebrating it, Mikey seemed to become even more timid and afraid. And yet even this fear had a second side to it.

One night the power had gone out in the lair. Leo had left his room and was fumbling around in the dark trying to find a flashlight when someone had attacked him. no matter what Leo did the unseen enemy had evaded his attacks and launched its own, subduing and disabling him before he even had time to react. The enemy had gotten him to the ground and pinned him there; when the lights had flickered back on revealing his attacker to by Michelangelo.

Rubbing his head Leo sighed. He’d never forgotten that. He’d never forgotten how easily Mikey had managed to beat him while in the dark, when he didn’t know it was Leo he was fighting. It was that side of his brother he wanted to bring out. The side of him that was confident, assertive, and skilled. The part of him that could allow him to be the best fighter and warrior out of all of them.

 

Sighing again Leo looked down at his brother. Yes Mikey had potential, yes Leo wanted his brother to be the best……but right now……in that moment…..he would have given all that up if it would help Mikey to wake up. He would have given up all of hopes for his brother just to see Mikey move or smile again.

 

** SPLINTER’S POV **

 

Silently splinter looked down at his youngest son. It wasn't often that he felt his age; but this was one of the times when he was keenly aware of how much time he might have had left in this world. He’d lived a long life, and yet as he looked at his youngest son he could not help but hope that his life would not end anytime soon. Slowly he shifted, leaning forward to touch his son’s hand; to hold it delicately in his own hand. He cared for Michelangelo; perhaps…..as horrible as it sounded more than his other sons.

When they’d been children Michelangelo had cried almost to the point of being hysterical. For hours splinter had held the smallest turtle, rocking him back and forth to sooth him. For a time splinter had wondered if something was wrong, if perhaps the smallest turtle was in pain for some unknown reason. He’d done his best to care for Michelangelo, he’d doted upon the smallest turtle  making sure he was always comfortable and warm, even allowing the youngest turtle to sleep with him in his bed, while his other son’s had slept in their small baskets.

At night he’d watched his smallest son. Watching his face twitch and move as the turtle had slept. He’d held his son against his chest and wondered; wondered what kind of person he would grow up to be. He’d watched as Michelangelo had slowly gotten bigger and bigger, growing up before his very eyes. He’d felt an entirely new range of emotions as he’d watched his youngest son grow up.

He’d felt sorrow and pain at his son’s silence; his refusal to speak. He’d felt joy when his son had said his first word, Donatello’s name. He’d felt uncertainty as he watched Michelangelo  follow Donatello around, clinging to his brother as though he was scared to be left alone. He’d watched as Michelangelo and Donnie had grown up together; forming a kind of symbiosis with each other. Donatello needed Michelangelo to help him relax. While Michelangelo needed Donatello so he could feel safe and be able to speak.

Slowly splinter sighed before patting his son’s hand.

 

He would never give up on his son.

He would continue to love and care for Michelangelo until the life had completely left his body.

And even then; he would spend the rest of his life honoring Michelangelo’s memory and spirit.

“I love you my son.”

 

** DONNIE’S POV **

 

Gently he ran the cool cloth across his unconscious brother’s forehead. As much as they all wanted to keep watch over their youngest brother splinter had decided that it would be best for them to do so in shifts, with Donnie going first, then Raph, then Leo, and finally splinter himself. When they had protested, pleading with him to let them all watch Mikey together splinter had insisted; stating that being alone would also give each of them time to process what had happened to Mikey on their own time.

It had taken a few days, but Mikey’s skin had returned to its natural light green color, even better was the fact that Mikey’s leg was healing well; almost better than expected. Yet despite his Donnie refused to allow himself to feel relief. He had seen the way his family had relaxed slightly when he’d said Mikey was healing well. He’d seen the way they’d all nervously smiled at each other as they began to think that maybe things would go back to normal; back to the way they had been before all of this had happened. But Donnie knew better……

Sighing he shifted, leaning forward to touch Mikey’s hand. Gently his fingers wrapped around Mikey’s hand before giving it a gentle squeeze.

“Mikey…….can you hear me?”

Mikey didn’t respond. Sighing Donnie continued speaking.

“I……..i don't know if……splinter says you’re spirit can hear me even if you’re not awake……I just……..please…..”

His hands shook slightly as he gripped Mikey’s hand tighter.

“Please……come back to us……..we need you……I need you. I……I need my baby brother back……please………” 

Again he squeezed Mikey’s hand, willing the unconscious turtle to understand.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you……I just……..I’m sorry…….I’m so sorry.”

He buried his forehead against Mikey’s hand.

“uuuuuuuuu.”

Donnie’s head snapped up to look at Mikey’s face. his heart was in his throat as he watched his brother’s face shift, scrunching up for a moment before……

“uuuuuuuu.”

Mikey’s eyes opened, blinking slowly before………

Donnie felt tears begin to well up in his eyes as Mikey slowly looked at him.

“D….Donnie…….”

A second later something in Donnie broke. He gripped his brother’s hand tightly as tears began to fall from his eyes. His sides shook and heaved as he sobbed, clinging desperately to Mikey’s hand as his youngest brother stirred for the first time in almost a week. Behind him he heard the door bang open before his father’s slightly fearful voice met his ears.

But he ignored his father and his brothers as they spoke. All his attention was on Mikey who continued to look at him for a moment before…….

“She said…….I’d see you again. She said……..said it wasn't my time.”

Slowly Donnie spoke, his voice shaking as he spoke.

“she......who?”

Mikey nodded, a small smile spreading across his face.

“Mother.”


	13. WORDS of healing PART 3

He was floating. Light shown all around him, forcing him to keep his eyes closed or be blinded. from far away he could hear voices, people talking, the feeling of people touching him. But he ignored the feelings and voices. He was comfortable to just lay here with his eyes closed. He felt at peace, the pain that had wracked his body before was gone now, replaced by a gentle numbness that was oddly comforting.

“Mikey…..”

That voice was louder, but at the same time soft, feminine, and caring. But still he ignoed this new voice to.

“Mikey….”

There it was again, calling to him. Slowly he felt things begin to change. It was like he was slowly sinking underwater.

“Michelangelo……it is time to wake up.”

Groaning he slowly opened his eyes. The blinding light was gone. Blinking slowly he turned his head; looking around the new place he was in. he was laying under a blanket. Above him a large tree stretched up into the seemingly endless blue sky. Under his shell he could feel soft, warm grass. Turning his head the other way he felt his eyes widen as he found he was not alone. A woman sat next to him. She wore a traditional white and blue kimono with her black hair cascading down her shoulders like some kind of waterfall. her eyes were soft shade of brown similar to Donnie's. Slowly he sat up, his eyes never leaving the woman who smiled at him.

“hello Michelangelo. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

Slowly he blinked at the woman for a moment before speaking.

“Who…..who are you? How do you know my name?”

The woman smiled, an action that sent an odd shiver through his body. She looks s familiar, yet try as he might he could not remember where he had seen her before. he was fairly certain they’d never actually met before, he’d never talked with a real human. So where then did he know he from?

“My name is Tang Shen…….my husband is your father.”

Mikey felt his eyes widen as what she was saying sunk in. a moment later everything clicked inside his mind. He’d HAD seen this woman before, just not in person. When he’d been 5 years old he seen his father holding an old photograph and had asked who the woman in the photo was; that’s when he’d seen this woman. She had splinter’s wife when he’d still been human.

He opened and closed his mouth, trying to say something for several minutes before managing to say….

“M…..mom?”

Tang Shen smiled and nodded.

“Yes. It’s me Michelangelo.”

He moved to touch her. His hand slowly reaching out to…… his eyes widened as he found his hand was not as it should have been. It was too small; he looked down at himself, his eyes widening as he found he was not a teenager anymore but a small child of maybe 7 or 8 years old.

“What…..what happened to me? Why am I a kid again?”

Shen smiled at him.

“this place reflects not out bodies but our souls. To you I appear this way because you know no other form for me to take. To yourself and others you appear to be a child because, your soul is that of a child; young, vibrant, filled with energy. I have no doubt that when your father comes to this place he will be human again as he once was.”

Mikey slowly looked around before looking up into the blue sky.

“Where…..where are we? Is this……heaven?”

Next to him Shen shook her head.

“No……although I don't know exactly what this place is called. I believe it is where we wait for our loved ones before they pass on.”

Mikey’s eyes widened.

“but…..that means……”

Panic rippled through his body making him jump to his feet. his eyes jerked wildly looking around for some way to leave.

“I’m…….am I……dead?”

Shen smiled sadly at him before shaking her head.

“no Michelangelo. You’re not dead. You’re just……visiting. Right now your body is in a near death state. So much so that the gap between the mortal world and this world are just close enough to allow you to cross over……for a time.”

Slowly Mikey sat back down the panic that had ripped through his subsiding.

“how long will I be here?”

Shen shrugged.

“I do not know. time has no meaning here. To me I’ve been here only a few minutes…….to the rest of the world……it’s been years. But come…..let us not think of these things.”

Mikey opened his mouth to speak only to become frozen as his mother pulled him in closer, wrapping her arms around his shoulders in a loving hug before kissing the top of his head. He felt his heart quiver in his chest; he’d never been hugged like this before. Warmth slowly spread through his body, relaxing his muscles and soothing any worries he had. Above him his mother spoke.

“I love you Michelangelo.”

His sides shook slightly at those words. He inhaled sharply, trying to stop tears from trickling down his face as he hugged his mother back.

“I……love you too……mommy.”

He felt her kiss the top of his head again.

“Promise me Michelangelo. Promise me you’ll never run away from your family again. They love you. No matter what happens they will always love you.”

He nodded, burying his face into her kimono.

“I promise…..”

He felt something move through him, some kind of pulse that made him feel suddenly tired. Still he clung to his mother, desperate to stay with her.

“my son, it’s time for you to return now.”

He shook his head, pressing his face harder against her.

“No…. don't go mommy. Please don't go.”

He was crying again, tears streaming down the sides of his face as he desperately clung to her. He couldn't leave her; she couldn't leave him, not now. For years he’d wished he’d had a mother. Splinter was a wonderful father, but at the same time he just wasn't the same as a mother. So he clung to his mother, trying to stay with her.

“Michelangelo……you cannot stay. If you do……you’ll die.”

He shook his head, holding her still tighter. He didn’t want to lose her. Not when he’d just gotten here and met her. Not when he’d finally found his mother.

“No! I won’t lose you!”

“Michelangelo……”

Her voice was soft. He felt her touch his cheek, cupping it in her hand, making him look up at her.

“I will always be with you. Never doubt that. But it is time for you to return to your brothers and father. They need you.”

But he shook his head.

“no, they don't. I’m just in the way. They’re better off without me……..i can't even talk properly to them.

Shen shook her head slowly.

“You are their light. Without you, they cannot hold back their own darkness. Please……go to them.”

More tears fell from his eyes.

“Why me? What……makes me so special?”

Shen smiled at him.

“Because you are their baby brother. The one person they all feel they must protect beyond all else.”

Mikey sniffed loudly. His body felt like it was getting lighter now, as though he were about to start floating upwards at any moment. He gripped his mother’s kimono tighter.

“I love you Mommy.”

Shen leaning in, her lips touching the top of his head.

“I love you to my son.”

He was floating now, once again surrounded by the blinding light. He could hear it now, someone’s voice…….no….. that was Donnie’s voice.

_“I’m sorry I yelled at you……I just……..I’m sorry…….I’m so sorry.”_

Slowly the light seemed to press in on him; making him feel as though he were being hugged again. Then for a moment he felt like he was floating again, and then…….slowly he opened his eyes.


	14. WORDS that connect us

He watched from his spot in the corner. Watched as Mikey's family cared for him; showering the young injured turtle with love and affection. Part of him was still angry. Part of him wanted to grab Donatello by the face and shake him like a rag doll. But another part of him was happy. He could tell from the way Mikey's family treated him that they genuinely loved him, that they truly were relieved that he was home. That they weren't just waiting until he left to throw Mikey back out.   
  
And it was with this knowledge that he made his decision.   
  
he decided to go at night, so as to limit the number of eyes that would be watching him as he slowly moved to leave the room Mikey was recovering in.   
  
"leatherhead...."  
  
he came to a stop, his eyes closed as he silently cursed his large unstealthy form. Slowly he turned, looking to Mikey who was watching him.   
  
"Where are you going?"  
  
Slowly leatherhead sighed, feeling his shoulders slump. He watched as Mikey moved to get up, his face contorting in pain as he shifted his weight around on his damaged shell.   
  
"Little one i'm-"  
  
but Mikey cut him off his voice slightly panicked.   
  
"You’re leaving aren't you? AREN'T YOU?"  
  
Mikey’s voice sounded shrill, pained and filled with a kind of panic. Leatherhead moved forward, his hands going to Mikey’s shoulders as the injured and battered turtle tried to sit up.   
  
"Little one you must not move. You’ll injure yourself again."  
  
He was dimly aware that he could hear sounds coming from the lair behind him as Mikey's family reacted to his panicked shout. But his attention was on Mikey as he felt Mikey’s hand grip his wrist.  
  
"You can’t leave.......i need you."  
  
Leatherhead closed his eyes, willing the small quiver in his heart to end. It made his heart ache to hear the young turtle say such a thing. Mikey had a family who loved him and yet Mikey felt that he needed leatherhead?  
  
"Little one......"  
  
behind him he heard the door to the lab open before one of Mikey’s brother's spoke.  
  
"Mikey?"  
  
But Mikey ignored his family instead focusing on leatherhead. His grip on the alligator’s wrist tightened.   
  
"Please.....you can’t leave......I need you."  
  
Again leatherhead shook his head.  
  
"No little one. You have your family back. You need them, not me"  
  
but Mikey shook his head vigorously.   
  
"NO. I NEED YOU."  
  
He could feel the eyes of his family on him. Could feel each of them looking at him as he clung to leatherhead desperate to keep the large gator from leaving him. Leatherhead was silent for several moments before speaking.  
  
"Why? Why do you need me? You have a family who love and cherish you, and would do anything for you. Why do you need an old sewer gator like me?"  
  
He watched, his heart clenching nervously as Mikey shifted again, gritting his teeth and growling as he tried to sit up in bed. seeing that Mikey had no intention to stay lying down leatherhead moved, his hands going to support Mikey’s back and shell, slowly aiding him to sit up. He watched as Mikey looked at him.   
  
"Please don’t leave leatherhead........you.........I won't leave you alone.......but......I can’t leave my family either......please.....stay."   
  
Leatherhead let out a deep rumbling sigh.   
  
"Little one.......I cannot stay here. Your home is crowded enough with you and your family.....there is no room for me here."  
  
Mikey opened his mouth to speak, but Leatherhead reached out and touched a claw to his mouth.   
  
"However.......I will move my home so it is closer to you. OK?"  
  
Mikey nodded.   
  
"Thank you."   
  
Leatherhead nodded slowly.  
  
"Thank you for coming into my life little one."  
  
Mikey smiled at him.

  
"Thank you for saving me."  
  
A moment later leatherhead felt his heart quiver again as Mikey gave him a small hug before moving to lay back down on the bed. Leatherhead moved, pulling the blankets back over Mikey’s body.

“Now you must rest little one. You must get better.”

Mikey nodded.

“Ok.”

Smiling, leatherhead stayed with Mikey for a bit longer; watching as Mikey’s eyes slowly drifted closed as he fell back to sleep. Only once he was sure Mikey was asleep again did he turn, moving towards the door and passed Mikey’s family. As he passed by Mikey’s father the large rat spoke.

“Thank you. It is not often my son connects with another in the way he has connected with you. Thank you for staying.”

Leatherhead nodded before speaking.

“Thank you for saving him.”

Splinter bowed.

“I know of a place that you could live that is nearby. Would you like assistance moving your home?”

Leatherhead shook his head.

“No. I will find my own place.”

Again splinter bowed.

“very well.”

Without saying another word Leatherhead continued passed Mikey’s family and back into the sewers, heading towards his home.


	15. WORDS of determination

Donnie watched as slowly Mikey moved, sitting up before grimacing slightly.  
  
"Are you in pain Mikey?"  
  
He hovered over his brother, his mouth dry as he watched Mikey shake his head slowly.  
  
"Not pain just........sore.........feels like I’ve been working out for days on end."  
  
Donnie nodded before he moved, reaching forward to touch Mikey's hand.  
  
 "You’re shell was deeply cracked Mikey. In time it will heal, but for now the pieces are still loose. You need to move slowly and avoid falling or injuring it again or.........or it might not heal properly. Ok?"  
  
Mikey looked up at him and nodded for a moment.   
  
"Ok Donnie......"  
  
Mikey's words trailed off as he looked into his brother's concern filled eyes.  
  
"Donnie........can i ask you something?"  
  
Donnie nodded.   
  
"Of course Mikey. You can ask me anything."  
  
He watched as Mikey looked down at the ground, his shoulders slumping forward as he began to fiddle nervously with his hands. After a moment Mikey looked back up at him before speaking.  
  
"Splinter won’t tell me........but.......but i know something i wrong........with me..........am I......."  
  
Mikey's voice shook as he spoke. Donnie squeezed Mikey's hand. Doing his best to comfort and reassure his youngest brother as tears began to form in his eyes.  
  
"Am i........going to die?"  
  
Donnie felt his eyes widen at those words. He moved, sitting down next to Mikey on the bed before carefully wrapping his arms around Mikey's shoulder.   
  
"No Mikey.....you're not going to die. Not today, not ever. Ok?"  
  
Mikey sniffed, reaching up the wipe away his tears with a fistful of blankets.   
  
"Then....what's wrong with me? Why won’t splinter tell me when i can go back to training? Why......why does Leo look at me with pity? Why does raph act so.....nice to me? What’s wrong with me that everyone acts so differently?"  
  
Donnie bit his lip. The day after Mikey had regained consciousness splinter had called his remaining sons into his chamber for a family meeting. He had told them that for now they needed to help Michelangelo recover from his injuries and to prepare for any unexpected possibilities. Donnie had felt his stomach twist painfully at those words. He felt as though splinter was speaking to him, accusing him without meaning too; but his brothers hadn't understood.   
  
  
" _Donatello repaired Michelangelo's leg as best he could. But it is possible your brother will not have full use of his for some time......or possibly ever again. I do not wish to make assumptions.......however.........if Michelangelo's leg is to badly damaged......he may not be able to continue his training._ "  
  
  
"Donnie.......what's wrong with me?"  
  
He felt himself begin to shake. He wanted to tell Mikey. Wanted to tell him how everything that had happened was his, Donnie's fault. He wanted to beg for his little brother's forgiveness, to get on his hands and knees and plead with his youngest brother for failing him. But.....if he did that......it would be real. Everything that had happened would be real. Yet here Mikey was, pleading with him to tell him the truth where the rest of his family was lying and hiding things from him.  
  
He wanted to lie, to say Mikey was fine. That everything would go back to normal and they would go back to how they had been before. Yet as his mouth opened he knew he couldn't say those words.  
  
"You’re leg.......was badly injured......VERY badly. I did my best to fix it........but i don't know if it'll heal properly........I......."  
  
his words broke off his as his voice quivered. His sides shook and he found himself gripping Mikey's hand tightly.  
  
"I’m so sorry Mikey. I’m SO sorry, this happened to you because of me. I.......I never meant for this to happen."   
  
next to him Mikey remained silent as he slowly processed what Donnie had said. After several minutes of horribly agonizing silence Mikey spoke, his voice soft with a small hint of fear."  
  
"But......there is a chance I’ll get better......right?"  
  
Donnie forced himself to take a deep breath to try and calm himself before responding.  
  
"Yes......there is a chance. but-"   
  
but Mikey cut Donnie off, his voice becoming confident.  
  
"Then that's what will happen."  
  
Donnie smiled weakly at his brother. Mikey had always been an optimist; always looking on the bright side of any situation. But this was one time when Mikey needed to be realistic.   
  
"Mikey......it doesn't-"  
  
but again Mikey cut him off.   
  
"No Donnie. Splinter says as ninja we're masters of our body. It’s still MY body, so i will make it do what i tell it to. I will recover from this, and i will not be some.......cripple," Mikey spat the work like it was poison. "For the rest of my life. Got it?"  
  
Mikey’s voice held a kind of finality in it. A tone that made all other arguments die in his throat as he looked at his baby brother's determined face.   
  
"Ok Mikey."  
  
But Mikey shook his head.  
  
"Say it Donnie.....say I’ll get better."  
  
Donnie bit his lip but did as Mikey asked. Despite Mikey's determined face and strong voice Donnie could see the fear in the youngest turtle's eyes. The worry that what he was saying wasn’t true. The part of him that needed to hear the words come from Donnie; the smart brother, who was almost always right.  
  
"You’ll get better…….I promise."  
  
Mikey nodded, a small grin spreading across his face.  
  
"Damn right I will."


	16. WORDS without pity

Slowly Donnie worked, typing away at his computer. It was night time; the rest of his family was asleep. Behind him Mikey slowly mumbled as he slept. Finishing up his work Donnie saved the file he'd been working on and began to shut down his computer. Despite being done with his work he wasn’t going to leave the lab. He’d made a mental promise to himself and Mikey. If Mikey wasn’t well enough to leave then neither would he.   
  
"Naaa.......Donnie......"  
  
Donnie's head snapped towards his brother as Mikey spoke his name. He could tell just from Mikey's tone that he was still asleep. Getting out of the chair he’d been sitting in for hours, Donnie silently moved to his brother’s side. Mikey's eyes were clamped shut tightly, his face twisted into a pained expression.  
  
"I’m sorry......please.......want to stay.......don’t........love you........want......."  
  
he watched as Mikey's hands moved in his sleep. Clawing at the blankets, grabbing fistfuls of the material as he continued to dream.   
  
"Want to stay.........want Donnie.....want Donnie....."  
  
He felt his heart clench painfully as Mikey's voice became panicked. He reached out, gently touching Mikey's wrist to try and wake the sleeping turtle. The moment his fingers brushed against Mikey's green skin the youngest turtle moved. His hand jerking and twisting to wrap tightly around Donnie's wrist. But Donnie ignored the discomfort, touching Mikey's plastron and gently shaking him.   
  
"Mikey, wake up......it's just a dream."  
  
But Mikey didn’t wake up. Donnie could feel the youngest turtle's entire body shaking.  
  
"Sorry.........love you......want Donnie......please don’t send me away......"  
  
Donnie bit his lip. Each word Mikey spoke was drenched in pure fear and made Donnie's heart clench painfully. He shook his brother a little harder.  
  
"Mikey. WAKE UP."  
  
But again Mikey didn't wake; instead his voice became more panicked. His grip on Donnie's wrist becoming so tight it was painful.  
  
"No.......please.......promised mother.......WANT DONNIE....."  
  
all at once Mikey's eyes snapped open and he sat bolt upright in bed only to yelp in pain as his injured shell send a twinge of pain through his body. His heart hammered in his chest almost to the point of causing him pain. His eyes jerked around the room before settling on Donnie who was standing beside him looking worried.   
  
"Mikey....it was just a dr-"  
  
but Donnie's words were cut off as Mikey began to cry.  
  
"I don’t like it here.....i want to go to my room.  
  
Donnie moved, pulling Mikey into a small hug.  
  
"Mikey you can’t leave the lab. You’re shell is to-"  
  
but again Mikey cut him off, his voice becoming more pained.  
  
"Please.......i want to go to my room."  
  
As he spoke Mikey moved, struggling against Donnie's hug; trying to get up off the bed he'd been stuck in for what felt like an eternity. He felt pain lance through his body again as his battered and injured shell shifted, making him let out another sob. He looked at Donnie, pleading with the genius turtle to understand him.  
  
"Please........i don’t like it here......i want to go.....to my room."  
  
His voice shook as he spoke, his words punctuated by small whimpers of pain as he became aware of a dull ache in his injured leg.  
  
Donnie bit his lip as he looked at his brother. He could tell Mikey was in pain; both physical and emotional pain. After several moments he nodded.  
  
"ok Mikey.....ok......."  
  
every ounce of resistance he had left melted away as Mikey pulled him into a weak hug.  
"Th...thank you Donnie."  
  
They moved slowly. Donnie helped support Mikey's shell which was wrapped up in a makeshift cast of duct-tape, gauze and bandages; doing his best to keep Mikey from feeling too much pain as he slowly put stress on the shell. As Mikey's legs touched the floor he whimpered.  
  
"My leg......it hurts......"  
  
Donnie bit his lip as he scanned his lab for something to help. He felt anger bubble in his stomach as he found nothing around him that he could use. But it wasn't anger at Mikey, no the anger was at himself. Was he such a complete failure as a brother that he didn't have anything to help ease his brother's pain?  
  
"Lean on me Mikey. I’ll help support you ok?"  
  
He shifted, allowing Mikey to put his arm around Donnie's shoulder for support before they began to move. With each step he took Mikey let out a small hiss of pain as he put a few seconds of pressure on his injured leg or his battered shell.   
  
Donnie kicked the door to his lab open, as he slowly guided Mikey through the lair and towards their shared bedroom.  
  
"Wait......stop......"  
  
he felt Mikey shift, using his free hand to lean against a nearby wall. Donnie could feel Mikey's legs shaking, threatening to give out even as they stood there.  
  
"Mikey......we should stop......."  
  
but Mikey shook his head.  
  
"No.....don’t stop......just......just give me a second......it hurts......a lot. I just.....need to catch my breath......."  
  
Donnie bit his lip again, but allowed Mikey several more minutes of rest. He kept silent. Watching his youngest brother's face, watching the look of pained determination that covered Mikey's normally happy face. After several minutes Mikey groaned and shifted; beginning to move towards their room again. After several steps Mikey growled, his grip on Donnie's arm tightened as pain wracked through his body.  
  
"Mikey.......i can carry you...."  
  
but Mikey gnashed his teeth together before shaking his head.  
  
"No...."  
  
Donnie spoke again.  
  
"But you're in pain. Let me hel-"  
  
but again Mikey growled.  
  
"No......I’m not some cripple who needs to be carried to his room. I’m the master of my body. and i will not let this pain keep me down."  
  
as he spoke Mikey took several more steps, managing to pull away from Donnie for a moment. as he lifted his good leg up a flash of pain lashed through his injured limb making his stagger sideways before hitting the wall with his shoulder. a moment later he felt Donnie touch him, gripping his shoulder and helping him to stand properly, while keeping weight off his injured leg.  
  
"Mikey......you don’t have to do this alone. we're all here for you......I'm here for you. let me help you."  
  
as he spoke Donnie shifted so Mikey's weight was less on his leg and more on Donnie.  
  
Mikey made another growling sound but Donnie cut him off.   
  
"Mikey.......this is my fault.......let me help you.....please."  
  
Donnie watched as Mikey took a deep breath, his sides still quivering slightly from the pain he was feeling.   
  
"no pity......"  
  
Donnie nodded.  
  
"Ok, no pity......just help."  
  
Donnie breathed out a small sigh of relief as he felt Mikey relax slightly. slowly they continued through the lair and into their joint room. carefully Donnie guided Mikey to his bed before helping him to climb up onto the old mattress and lay on his side. only once Mikey was settled did Donnie move. climbing up on the mattress with Mikey so he could lay Mikey's head in his lap.  
  
beads of sweat clung to Mikey's skin and Donnie could tell that even though they weren’t moving anymore Mikey was still in pain. gently he cupped one of Mikey's cheeks, slowly stroking the side of Mikey's face with his thumb. instantly Mikey's eyes drifted closed. above him Donnie spoke.   
  
"Mikey......it's not weakness to ask for help......let us help you......let me....help you……ok.”

Mikey as silent for several moments before he shifted weakly, his head turning up to look at Donnie.

“no……pity…..”

Donnie nodded, a small smile spreading across his face despite how somber the situation was.

“No pity, Mikey. No pity….”


	17. WORDS of guilt

Slowly Donnie snuck through the lair, doing his best to be as silent as he possibly could so no one would know he was sneaking out. while he was sure everyone was asleep he still had to be cautious with how he moved so as not to make a sound, a result of living with a family of ninjas. Once he was sure no one was watching him Donnie turned and scurried out of the lair, moving down the tunnel that led to the nearby subway tunnel. His foot had just moved to step into the subway when he felt someone grab his shoulder, pull him back and shove him against the wall.   
  
He lashed out, trying to strike the person who had grabbed him only to feel the person grab his wrist and twist before pinning his arm against his chest.  
  
"Where are you going Donnie?"  
  
Raph's voice was low and vaguely threatening. Donnie did his best to seem unafraid.   
  
"n...none of your business!"   
  
he lashed out with his other hand, connecting with the side of Raph's face making the red banded turtle stumbled backwards a bit. Donnie glared at Raph who continued to glare at him.   
  
"I asked you where are you going?"  
  
Donnie snarled, back. "And i said it's none of your business!"  
  
A moment later their bodies connected with each other as Raph tackled him. They rolled around on the floor of the tunnel, both of them flailing and kicking at each other, yelling as they did so. As Donnie rolled onto his back he put his feet against Raph's chest and shoved, sending the red turtle flying off of him and across the tunnel before hitting the wall.   
  
"GO HOME RAPH. LEAVE ME ALONE!"  
  
Raph shook his head, moving to stand in Donnie's way.   
  
"NO! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?"  
  
Donnie felt his blood boil, in anger. Why couldn't Raph just listen to him? The more time he wasted dealing with Raph the less time he'd have to......  
  
I SAID GET OUT OF MY WAY!"  
  
Raph shook his head.   
  
"NOT UNTIL YOU TALK TO ME! WHAT'S GOING ON?"  
  
Donnie growled angrily. "YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND!"  
  
Raph snarled back at him, "WHY? CAUSE I'M NOT A GENIUS LIKE YOU? CAUSE I'M NOT SMART LIKE YOU OR LEO?! CAUSE I'M THE DUMB BROTHER WHO'S ONLY GOOD AT BREAKING THINGS?!"  
  
Despite his anger Donnie bit his lip. He hadn’t meant it like that. "R....Raph....."  
  
Raph continued to stand in his ways; his arms outstretched so Donnie couldn't run passed him. "LET ME IN DONNIE! MIKEY'S MY BROTHER TOO! I WANT TO HELP!"  
  
Donnie shook his head. "You can’t. I have to do this alone."  
  
But again Raph snarled at him. "WHY?! WE'RE ALL MIKEY'S BROTHERS. WHY CANT YOU LET US HELP TO?! DAMN IT DONNIE YOU THINK YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE HURT BY THIS?"  
  
Again Donnie bit his lip. In the last week he had noticed a distinct change is his family. Splinter no longer held them to their training schedule, training them for only a single hour instead of the usual 6. Leo had become very reserved and quite, often times spending hours alone in his room meditating. And Raph......well if it was possible the red banded turtle seemed to have lost some of his anger as of late.  
  
In front of him Raph continued to speak. "You tend to Mikey like he's dying but you won’t tell anyone of us what we can do to help! It kills us that you won’t let us help you Donnie........why won’t you let us you?"  
  
The question made something in Donnie roar back to life. Who was Raph to question him like this? He was the family genius, and Raph was just......a punk.  
  
"BECAUSE THE LAST TIME ANYONE TRIED TO HELP ME MIKEY GOT HURT!" Donnie's words echoed through the tunnel, making Raph fall silent as he watched his brother shake and tremble, as small tears began to leak from his eyes.   
  
"I HAVE TO DO THIS ALONE RAPH......I......I HAVE TO PROVE I CAN FIX THIS......I HAVE TOO...."  
  
Raph shook his head. “Why? Why can’t you let us shoulder some of the the burden too?"  
  
Donnie snarled and took a step towards Raph. "BECAUSE I'M THE ONE WHO BROKE MIKEY! NOT YOU, OR SPLINTER OR LEO, ME! I DID THIS TO HIM! IT'S MY FAULT! AND I HAVE TO FIX IT!"  
  
An echoing silence roared through the tunnel at Donnie's words, broken only as Donnie sniffed loudly trying to hold back the flood of tears that was covering his face.   
  
"It’s my fault......it's my fault....it's my fault....it's my fault...."  
  
his entire body shook as he repeated those words over and over again. It was like he was being held underwater in pool that was filled with ice.   
  
He watched as Raph took a slow step towards him, then another, and another until.....  
  
Raph's arms slowly wrapped around Donnie's shoulder, pulling his brother into a gentle hug before leaning in to whisper into Donnie's ear. "It’s not your fault Donnie......none of this is your fault."  
  
Donnie blinked, sniffing loudly before managing to speak. "But....but i yelled at him.....I told him-"  
  
but Raph interrupted him. "Did you tell him to run away? Did you tell him to leave the lair?"  
  
Donnie shook his head slowly, before watching as Raph nodded.   
  
"No you didn't. You didn't tell him to do anything. This is not your fault Donnie. It’s just something that happened but it is not your fault. Ok?"  
  
Donnie sniffed again, but nodded slowly. Raph shook his head. "Say it Donnie."  
  
Donnie swallowed the lump in his throat before speaking. "O....ok."  
  
Again Raph shook his head. "Ok, what Donnie?"  
  
Donnie growled warningly. "Ok, it's not my fault."  
  
Raph nodded and continued to hug him for a moment longer before pulling away. "Good. Now, where are we going?"  
  
Donnie shook his head. "There’s no 'we' Raph."  
  
But Raph shook his head again, his eyes flashing dangerously as he growled. "Well I’m not letting you walk outside the lair on your own. I’m coming with you. So i can either follow you or travel with you. Either way, where are WE going?"    
  
He put emphasis on the word 'we'. Donnie sighed; sometimes Raph could be UNBEARABLY stubborn.   
  
"There’s.......a medical supply warehouse a few miles from here. I.....was hoping to break in and gather some stuff to help Mikey."  
  
Raph nodded slowly. "Ok. Why kind of stuff?"  
  
Donnie bit his lip. He didn’t exactly know what was in the warehouse, but he did know what he hoped was there.  
  
"A brace for his leg, to help him walk. Maybe some pain meds......and some bandages to help keep his wounds clean and sterile.....and anything else that could help him."  
  
Again Raph nodded. "Ok, then let's go. Sounds like we have a lot to get."  
  
Donnie nodded slowly, while continuing to look at his hot headed brother for moment.  
  
"Th....thank you Raph."  
  
Raph nodded. "I know what it's like to feel like what happened is your fault. But trust me, it's not. It was Mikey's choice to run away. I’m not saying it's HIS fault, but it's certainly not yours. Now come on, and lead the way."  
  
Donnie nodded, sniffing loudly before wiping his eyes and allowed Raph to fall in line behind him as they snuck out of the tunnel and into the subway.

As they moved through the tunnel Donnie spoke.

“I mean it Raph….thank you.”

Raph nodded, and touched his shoulder gently.

“I know…..i know you feel responsible……but if you shoulder this whole burden on your own…..it’ll destroy you. Let us help you Donnie………it’s bad enough what happened to Mikey, but if you snap and go crazy and become a supervillian, then what will we do?”

Donnie smiled weakly before chuckling. But it had done the trick, Raph's little joke had lightened the mood and pulled him from the depth of misery he had been in for the last 3 days.

“ok Raph, I promise I won’t become a supervillain.”

Raph chuckled, “good.”

 

Unseen by either turtle a figure watched them silently from the shadows observing their exchange. After the boys had gone the figure sighed, gently stroking his whiskers before turning and moving back into the lair.


	18. WORDS from thieves

Silently they moved through the sewer running through tunnel after tunnel until they found the one Donnie was looking for.

“Is this it?”

Donnie nodded and looked up the ladder that was built into the wall leading up to the surface.

“Yeah……This is it.”

Starting to climb up the ladder Donnie paused as they reached the top and his hands pressed against the cold material of the manhole cover. Taking a deep breath Donnie pushed, grunting and heaving with the effort to lift the 45 pound manhole cover. Shoving the cover to the side Donnie clambered out of the tunnel and stepped aside for Raph to follow, watching as his brother swung himself up and out of the tunnel.

Looking around they found themselves standing in an alley way. On either side of them crumbling buildings and rusted fire escapes met their vision. Further down the alley they could hear the sounds of the city, cars honking, people talking, going about their own lives, blissfully unaware of the turtle’s existence.

“Come on. Follow me.”

leaping into the air Donnie gripped the edge of a fire escape ladder before swinging his body up and onto the fire escape landing before moving upwards towards the roof of the building, being sure to not be seen by anyone who might be passing by the windows on the inside of the building. Behind him Raph followed silently. Emerging out onto the Donnie and Raph moved to the edge of the roof before peaking over at the warehouse across the street.

Scanning the warehouse Donnie began to mentally note the various fortifications that had been taken to keep the stuff inside the warehouse safe. In the front of the warehouse Donnie could see 4 guards patrolling, guns strapped to their hips and walkie-talkies strapped to their shoulders. Beyond that Donnie could see a dozen or so security cameras scanning almost every inch of the building perimeter. Biting his lip Donnie did his best to try and find a way that they could sneak into the warehouse.

“Donnie……I don't see a way inside.”

Donnie nodded, his eyes sweeping the warehouse before…….

“There….”

Donnie pointed to a section of fencing that did not contain razor wire and was not covered with security covering.

“We can use the bolt cutters I have to cut through the fence and get inside. Then we scale the ladder on the side of the building and get up to the roof. And we can get in and out using the skylights on the roof.”

Next to him Raph nodded before shifting a little bit. “Are you sure?”

Donnie bit his lip again. In truth he wasn't sure. Any number of things could go completely wrong once they got inside. But one thing was certain in his mind. He needed to get in there and at least try to get Mikey the meds and equipment he needed so he could make a healthy recovery from his injuries. “I’m……I’m 98% sure.”

He felt Raph look at him for a moment before nodding. “Ok, works for me.”

Donnie turned to look at him. “Are you sure?”

Raph nodded. “Yeah, I’m sure.”

Donnie swallowed nervously. He had no problem putting himself in danger, but putting Raph in that same danger…….

As if he could sense what Donnie was thinking Raph spoke. “I’m going with you Donnie. So you better be sure we can get out when we need to.”

Donnie swallowed nervously before nodding. “Ok Raph. Ok.”

Donnie smiled weakly as Raph clapped him on the shoulder before moving back to the fire escape before jumped down and after making sure they would not be seen began to move in. Rushing across the street Donnie and Raph scurried along the fencing, occasionally hiding from guards as they walked passed on the other side of the fence. Reaching the part of the fence they wanted Donnie knelt down next to the fence as he pulled out the set of bolt cutters he’d brought before beginning to cut the wire of the fence.

It was slow going; each bit of the fence he cut made a small snapping sound that made his heart jolt each and every time. But after several minutes they had a hole big enough that they could fit through. Squeezing through the fence Donnie and Raph scurried as fast as they could through the open space before climbing up the side of the building and onto the roof. Once on the roof they ducked down, doing their best to not cast a shadow as they knelt down next to one of the skylights that dotted the roof of the warehouse.

Raph watched as Donnie worked, his hands shaking slightly as he tried to pick the lock on the skylight. Reaching out Raph touched Donnie’s shoulder, flinching as Donnie jerked at the touch.

“Donnie……calm down.”

He watched as Donnie closed his eyes, before taking several deep breaths to help calm his nerves. “I’m sorry…….I just…….”

Raph moved, wrapping his arms around Donnie’s shoulder, before leaning in to nuzzle Donnie’s cheek. Such touches had always calmed them when they were on edge, even Mikey would become calm if nuzzled properly. For several moments they stayed like this, Raph gently holding Donnie, willing the genius turtle to be calm.

After several moments Raph pulled away and smiled at Donnie. “Just relax Donnie. Take a deep breath and relax. Ok?”

Donnie nodded slowly, taking a deep breath before turning back to the lock. As he fiddled with the lock he spoke softly.

“Th….thanks Raph…..”

Raph smiled as the sound of a smell metallic *click*met his ears. A moment later Donnie pulled the lock away from the skylight and opened the window motioning for Raph to be silent as they both dropped down onto one of the shelves just under the skylight. Leaning in close to Raph Donnie whispered into Raph's ear. “You look for the leg brace and bandages and maybe some crutches. I’ll get the meds and anything else I think could be of use. Meet back here in….10 minutes. Ok?”

Raph nodded. “Ok.”

Pausing for just a moment longer Raph offered his brother a small smile before scurrying over the crates that lines the shelf and out of sight leaving Donnie along. Taking a deep breath Donnie got to work, silently moving from shelf to shelf looking for where they kept the crates that held the meds and drugs he needed. Every so often he would have to duck or hide in the shadow as a guard moved by going about his or her job.

Finding the crates he was looking for Donnie did his best to pack the bag he had brought with as many bottles of the pills as he could. He knew Mikey would need them in the coming months and years. As he stuffed the bottles into his bag he could not help but feel his stomach clench tightly with guilt. How had things gotten so out of hand? How had him yelling at Mikey led to him stealing thousands of dollars in pills and medical equipment? This thought made his stop his hand half buried in the crate of pills before swallowing painfully and removing his hand from the crate.

His hands shook as he slowly replaced the lid of the crate before moving back to the spot he had agreed to meet Raph at. Hunkering down so he would not be seen Donnie nervously ran his hand over his head as he waited for Raph to return. Against his will he felt his mind turn back to the questions that made his stomach twist with a mixture of guilt and shame. Was he a bad person?

He’d yelled at Mikey. Because of that Mikey had run away and gotten injured. Now they needed to steal the things they needed to try and help Mikey recovery from his injuries. And it was all because he’d lost his temper and yelled at Mikey. He pressed the palms of his hands against his face. He’d never wanted this to happen, he’d never wanted ANY of this to happen.

“Ok Donnie I got…….hey……are you ok?”

Blinking Donnie did his best to fight back the tears that were slowly trickling down the sides of his face as he looked at Raph who had returned a leg brace slung over his shoulder and a pair of crutches clutched in his arm. Sniffing softly Donnie swallowed the lump in his throat and spoke. “I’m……I’m sorry this happened.”

Raph sighed and knelt down next to Donnie. “I thought we were passed this. What happened to Mikey-”

But Donnie shook his head. “No, THIS….” As he spoke he gestured to the warehouse around them. “I’m sorry because of what I did we’re now thieves. I’m sorry you’re involved in this…….I’m…..I’m sorry.”

He watched as Raph bit his lip before shaking his head. “It’s ok Donnie.”

But Donnie shook his head to. “No…..no it’s not ok. THIS is my fault.”

As Raph opened his mouth to speak Donnie cut him off. “Don’t try to talk me out of this Raph……it is my fault. Just…….” He looked at Raph, willing his brother to understand how serious he was. “I don't know how……but someday…..somehow…….I’ll make this up to you. I promise. Ok?”

Raph sighed but nodded. “Ok Donnie. Ok. But for now let’s focus on getting out of here. Ok?” Donnie sniffed again but nodded, before standing up slowly. “Did you get the pills you were looking for?”

Donnie nodded gesturing to the bag he had slung around his shoulder. “Yes.”

Raph grinned. “Good cause, I found the crutches and the brace and enough bandages to make the very first turtle mummy.”

Despite the feeling of guilt that still clawed at his insides Donnie could not help but smile as Raph's bad joke. Taking their positions Donnie allowed Raph to lift him off the shelf and into the air so he could grab the edges of the roof through the skylight and pulled himself up and out before leaning back in and helping to pull Raph up and out as well.

They had just begun to move when a voice made them freeze, their blood chilling.

“WE GOT A BREAK IN THE FENCE! SOMEONE IS IN THE WAREHOUSE!”

Donnie swore as they peaked out over the lip of the building looking down towards the spot they’d used to get into the property. 2 guards and a dog were standing in front of the hole they had made, while the dog sniffed busily around the gap in the fence. Ducking back down Donnie bit his lip while next to him Raph shifted nervously. “What now Donnie? We can't get out that way. And soon the guards will be crawling all over this place.”

Closing his eyes for a moment Donnie did his best to calm his heart which was starting to beat frantically. They were blown; the guards knew they were there. It was only a matter of time before someone found them…..and it was all his fault. They’d be captured, studies, dissected……….and it was all HIS fault.”

“DONNIE…..”

Donnie flinched slightly as he felt Raph grab his shoulder and shake his body, pulling him from his thoughts. Turning to his brother Donnie swallowed painfully. “I’m……I’m sor-”

A second later he staggered as Raph slapped him, pain radiating from his cheek.

“Stop saying you’re sorry. Just FIX THIS.”

Swallowing again Donnie nodded. “O….ok.”

Peeking back out over the edge of the building Donnie scanned the area below looking for something, anything that would help them in their situation. After several moments he pulled back. “I…..i could give you the pills and then……distract the guards. Buy you enough time to get out and back to the lair…..”

But Raph shook his head. “No. you’d be caught.”

Donnie was silent as he continued to look at Raph who’s eyes widened.

“NO. You’re not sacrificing yourself so I can get away think of something else.”

Donnie bit his lip. Things were becoming desperate. In the distance he could hear the distinctive sirens of the police that had been called because of their break in. “Raph…..we don't have a lot of options. If we both-”

But Raph cut him off, snarling angrily. “I’m not going to let you be captured. Think of something else.”

Sighing Donnie once again peered over the edge of the warehouse. After several more moments of thought he spoke. There’s a fuse box on the wall of the warehouse. If we can disrupt the cables that run through it we could disrupt power to the building. It MIGHT give us enough cover to escape.”

Raph nodded. “Ok. That’s a better plan.”

Nodding weakly Donnie followed Raph as they silently scurried across the rooftop and over to the ladder they had used to climb up in the first place. Once they were sure they would not be seen they moved, sliding down the ladder before ducking for cover to be sure they would not be seen. Donnie’s heart hammered in his chest, every time a human spoke his heart clenched fearing the voice would give away their location.

He watched as Raph took aim at the fuse box, closing his eyes and relaxing his arm muscles just as splinter had showed them how to do. A moment later his eyes snapped open and his arm moved, hurling the throwing knife through the air, the metal blade making a faint whistling noise as it flipped end over end before striking the cables that ran from the warehouse roof to the fuse box.

There was a loud popping sound followed by a hiss a crackle and then the lights in the warehouse went out. A moment later voices erupted all around them followed by the sounds of running bodies.

“THEY’RE IN THE WAREHOUSE! GO! GO!”

Staying put only for a few seconds more Donnie clutched the bag of pills tightly before leaving his hiding spot and running towards the now unguarded hole in the fence. He watched as Raph dropped, sliding through the hole in the fence before pushing himself to his feet and continuing to run. Ducking low Donnie did his best to squirm through the hole, only to freeze as he heard voices behind him.        

“THEY’RE ESCAPING!”

Gun shots ripped through the air, the bullets impacting the ground a few inches from his leg. He scream in fear as pain as he struggled to get through the fence, the heavy duty wire fencing tearing and clawing at his skin, making him bleed in several places. More gun fire, and then…….

He heard a loud *thik* and a moment later he was bathed in light as a spot light appeared on him.

He screamed again as he finally managed to wriggle through the fence before beginning to run. He could hear bullets whizzing past him as he ran. As few of them coming so close that he felt the ripples in the air as they passed by him. He ran as fast as he could, catching up with Raph at the sewer entrance before dropping down into the hole; Raph following him a moment later before dragging the man hole cover over them. They didn’t wait to see if their escape had worked, they just ran as fast as they could through the sewers, hoping and praying that if anyone was following them they could lose them in the maze of twisting tunnels.


	19. WORDS of cold truth

Slowly Donatello knocked on the door frame to his father’s room. As they had begun to put away the dishes and clean up from breakfast Splinter had rose and spoke to the room at large, telling Donatello that he wished to speak with him once everything had been put away. Donnie had swallowed nervously at this. Something in Splinter’s voice told him, he was in trouble; not something he was used to being in. “Come in Donatello.”

Donnie shuddered as he pulled the slider paper door open before stepping inside Splinter’s room and close the door behind him. Turning to face his father Donnie found that Splinter was seated in front of his kotatsu, a cup of tea in his hand while across from him another cup of tea sat, waiting for Donnie to join him. “Please, sit.”

Splinter’s tone made it clear that it was not a request but a command that he do so. Swallowing nervously Donnie moved, taking his spot across from Splinter, shifting slightly uncomfortably. Unlike Splinter’s own ‘soft’ body Donnie had to deal with his shell and rough hide as he knelt in front of the table; meaning no matter how he adjusted himself there was always a slight pang of discomfort.

Across from him he watched as Splinter took a long sip of tea before setting the cup down and speaking. “How do you feel Donatello?”

Donnie blinked at the question. “F…..fine.”

Splinter looked at him silently for several moments before speaking again. “You do not feel as though you are not yourself? You are in complete control of your body and mind?”

Donnie frowned but nodded. “Yes master Splinter…..I feel fine.”

Again master Splinter took a sip of tea before speaking. “Then perhaps you can help me to understand something. Last night I was awoken from my sleep by Raphael…..”

Donnie felt his grip on his teat cup tighten slightly as he felt his heart plummet. Yet he forced himself to listen as Splinter continued speaking. “He informed me that you and he snuck out of the lair, broke into a warehouse and stole several things in the hopes of using them to help Michelangelo to recover from his injuries.”

Again Donnie swallowed nervously. Suddenly his throat had become very dry, picking up the cup of tea he touched the hot liquid to his lips. Allowing a small trickle of the warm tea to enter his mouth which he swallowed before responding nervously. “Y…yes.”

He watched as Splinter shifted slightly before continuing. “While I do not approve of stealing, I must concede to you that in this moment it was your best course of action. However I do wish to remind you that such actions do have consequences. As such it will be up to you to shoulder any unforeseen burdens that may come from your actions. Is that clear?”

Donnie nodded; he could feel his heart beat getting faster. He knew Splinter had yet to really speak about why he was here. He watched as Splinter took a deep breath before fixing him with a stern glare that made him recoil slightly. He was not used to being the attention of such an intense look from his father. “However it was not the theft that worried Raphael so much that he felt the need to wake me in the middle of the night. No it was the fear that something was wrong with you Donatello that prompted Raphael to wake me. He told me that you were acting strangely and that he was worried for your safety.”

Despite his nerves Donnie could not help but raise an eyeridge at Splinter’s words. “I wasn't acting strangely last night.”

The moment he spoke the words he regretted it. He watched as Splinter’s whiskers ruffled slightly, a sign of annoyance. “Is that so Donatello? Do you often offer to sacrifice yourself? Do you often carry out plans that are half thought out and filled with danger? Do you often put yourself and brothers into situations that risk yours and their lives?”

Splinter’s voice was filled with a tone that made Donnie bite his lip. He watched as Splinter took a deep breath before continuing; the tone of anger had ALMOST left his voice.

“I know you are smart Donatello. So I EXPECT the truth from you when I ask you a question. If you wish to lie to me like you’re a child then I will punish you as I punished your brother’s when they would lie to me.”

Against his will Donnie felt his tail curl in between his legs in fear. He remembered those times, when Splinter would punish Raph or Mikey for lying to him. he remembered the yelps and cries of his brother as Splinter’s hand had smacked and spanked their bottoms until  the normally green skin was red and his brother’s were sobbing almost hysterically.

“I will ask you this only once Donatello; what were you thinking when you put yourself and your brother in a situation where the thought of sacrificing yourself seemed like an acceptable idea?”

Donnie was silent as he considered the question. He did his best to recall that moment, to feel the panic that had gripped his mind as he felt the stupidity of his actions crash down around him.

“I’m waiting Donatello……”

Donnie swallowed nervously before speaking. “I……Mikey needed the stuff we’d grabbed. I…….i just wanted to be sure he got them……one way or another.”

He watched as across from him Splinter considered his answer, Splinter’s eyes drifting closed for several moments before opening again.

“Allow me to ask you another question Donatello……who was it that made the lair livable?”

Donnie frowned at the question before slowly shaking his head. “I……I’m sorry master Splinter but…..i don't understand the question.”

Splinter nodded slowly. “I’m asking you, who was it that figured out how to tap into the power grid so we might have light? Who was it that figured out how to repair and maintain all the equipment we use in our daily lives? Who was it that figured out how to fill our home with heat so we do not freeze to death?”

Donnie swallowed nervously before speaking. “M….me…..”

Across from him Splinter nodded. “Yes…..it was you. It was not Leonardo, or Raphael, or Michelangelo…..it was you Donatello. Now I ask you this, what if you had been captured? What if you had been killed? What would we, your family do? Does Leo posses the knowledge of how to fix the furnace should it give out? Does Raphael understand how to draw power from the grid without being detected? Does Michelangelo understand how to fix and maintain our equipment?”

When Donnie didn’t respond, Splinter’s glare before stronger and he actually let out a low growl. “I’m ASKING you a question Donatello. I EXPECT a response.”

Swallowing painfully Donnie shook his head as he spoke.”N….No……they don't.”

Splinter nodded. “As I suspected. Why then would you consider putting your family in such risk? Why then, in sacrificing yourself would you allow your family to suffer not just from the loss of yourself but of your skills?”

Donnie bit his lip. He hadn’t considered that. He hadn’t considered what his family would do if he wasn't around to fix and maintain their home. Across from him Splinter seemed to know what he was thinking; the old rat sighed softly before continuing to speak. “I understand your need to make up for what you have done. I understand your need to fix Michelangelo’s injuries and help him return to how he once was. But at some point as the head of this clan I must decide what is for the best.”

Donnie frowned. “I’m…..sorry Splinter……but I……I don't understand what you mean…..”

Master Splinter was silent for several moments as he looked at his son. There were things his sons were too young to understand, ideas and concepts in life and war that were so horrific, so truly disgusting and shameful that even the worst most vile person on the planet would think twice before making such a choice; and yet now, he found himself painfully close to having to make such a decision.

“What I am saying Donatello…….is that there comes a point when I must ask myself; what is in the best interest of this clan? Michelangelo may not ever fully recover from his injuries that much I can accept. But I will not accept or allow you to put yourself or this family at risk, no matter how you think it will help to improve Michelangelo’s chances of recovery.”

When Donatello did not speak, Splinter sighed; at that moment he truly hated himself, for having to say the words that he spoke next.

“If you continue to behave recklessly and without thought for this family, then I will be forced to choose; Is Michelangelo’s recovery worth the loss of another son; one who is already…fundamentally linked to our way of life?”

Silence met his words. Across from him Donatello’s eyes had gone wide as the young turtle finally understood what his father and master was talking about. His cold hard words sinking into the young turtle's mind making his hands shaking in fear. “You’d……….you’d………”

Donnie was barely able to speak. He’d never, not one, ever thought he’d hear his father say what he’d just said. Across from him Splinter sighed again before speaking.

“I do not make such choices lightly. And I pray each and every day that I NEVER have to make such a decision. It is because I wish to avoid this choice that I have called you here now, that I tell you this; you must ‘wake up’. You must stop acting rashly and without thought. I understand that you feel guilty for Michelangelo’s condition; that is fine. But you must not risk your life and by extension the lives of your family on possibilities and fantasies that MIGHT make Michelangelo get better. Do you understand me?”

Donnie swallowed painfully but nodded. He understood. Splinter nodded sadly. “Good, now go. Tend to Michelangelo, and know that this burden of ‘responsibility’ you have placed on your own shoulders is not felt by only you. Your brothers too feel the guilt that you feel. Consider allowing them to help you.”

He watched as Donatello stood up and left the room without saying a word, his heart clenching painfully when Donatello did not look at him or bid him goodbye before closing the door and leaving him alone with the knowledge of what he had said, and the horrific implications behind it.


	20. WORDS from an altered mind

Leatherhead watched as in front of him Donatello knelt next to Mikey, making sure the brace that was now attached to help was set up properly. All around Mikey his family had crowded in, watching anxiously as Donnie stood up and took a step back.  
  
"Ok Mikey.......try standing up."  
  
They all held their breath, watching as Mikey moved, swinging his legs over the bed before bending them before moving to stand. The youngest turtle groaned, hissing slightly as he put pressure on his injured leg before looking up at all of them. After several moments of silence Donnie spoke. "How.......how does it feel?"  
  
Mikey took a few slow steps, smiling weakly as he did so. "It’s.........ok. Still stings......but.........its ok."  
  
Leatherhead felt Mikey's family all breathe a sigh of relief at his words. After several moments Mikey looked to Donnie, his face a little curious. "Donnie......where did you get this from?"  
  
Leatherhead watched as Donnie shifted slightly uncomfortably. Of course leatherhead knew that Donnie had stolen the medical brace. In his travels around the sewers he'd heard scraps of info about a break in at a nearby medical warehouse, how the guards had reported unknown criminals wearing turtle costumes had broken in and stolen several bits of equipment as well as several thousand dollars worth pain meds.   
  
"I......I made it Mikey.....just for you. Raph helped."  
  
For a moment Mikey seemed to consider the answer before smiling and moving to pull Donnie into a hug. "Thank you Donnie……Raph……thank you."

They all watched as Mikey took a few slow steps before looking at them all. “How…..how long will I have to….wear this for?”

Donnie sighed and shook his head. “It will be for a while Mikey. Your leg has to heal properly and then you will need physical therapy so you can walk on it like you used to.”

All of them felt their hearts twinge as Mikey’s posture changed, his shoulders slumping forward sadly. “O……ok.”

It was splinter who moved first. Stepping forward to place his hand on his youngest son’s shoulder. “Do not worry Michelangelo. Your brothers and I will do everything within our power to help you recover from this injury.” As he spoke splinter knelt down so he was eye level with his son. “We will overcome what has happened to you, as a family. I promise.”

Splinter watched as Michelangelo looked at him for a moment before smiling weakly and nodding. “Ok.”

Splinter smiled to his son and then stood back up. “My sons, perhaps you should all help Michelangelo go for a walk around the lair. I’m sure he is anxious to stretch his legs, since he has been stuck in his room for almost a month.”

Splinter smiled as his sons cheered the idea before crowding around Michelangelo. He watched as Michelangelo shrank back slightly, just like when he had been a child Michelangelo still was not fond of being the center of attention. Slowly the turtle left the room, Leonardo, Raphael, and Donatello moving slowly so Michelangelo could keep up with them as they led him from the room.

As the door closed behind them splinter turned to Leatherhead who watched him for a moment before speaking. “I hope that is a promise you can keep.”

Splinter sighed and nodded. “As do I.” splinter sighed again. Suddenly he was very aware of his age. The small aches and pains that his body experienced seem to become stronger for a moment. “I have a request of you Leatherhead.”

The large alligator nodded, straightening up slightly.

“With Michelangelo beginning to recover, I plan to have my other son’s resume their training. When that happens I would like your help in keeping Michelangelo occupied. I do not want him….sitting idle while his brother’s train.”

Leatherhead nodded slowly. “You don't want him feeling useless to the family.”

Splinter sighed and nodded again. “Yes. If possible…..try to steer his towards activities that will help him develop skills that would benefit the family. If……if his injuries prove to be to damaging……….”

Splinter’s voice trailed off. It pained him to image that his son would never fully recover from his injuries. His heart clenched painfully as he imagines Michelangelo watching the rest of his brothers become ninja while he was unable to join them. Across from him Leatherhead spoke. “You want him to still be of use to the family, even if he’s unable to continue his training.”

Splinter nodded. “Yes.”

Leatherhead nodded again. “I will do my best to help him.”

 

** LATER **

****

He watched Mikey throughout the day. He watched as Mikey slowly moved around the lair, relearning how to walk with the brace attached to his leg; and although he was unable to move very fast Mikey refused to allow his brother’s to help him.

And yet Donnie could see the toil that moving put on his brother. Every time Mikey moved his face would harden and set in equal parts of determination and pain as he forced his injured leg to move.

A few times he’d tried to help. Offering to have them all sit and watch TV or play videos games; anything that would allow Mikey to relax and take the weight off his injured leg for a while; each time Mikey shook his head, saying that he wanted to keep going.

Only when splinter called to them, saying it was time for dinner did Mikey stop; finally sitting down in his chair at the table. Sitting in his chair next to Mikey Donnie could not help but notice the thin sheen of sweat that was covering Mikey’s face.

All throughout dinner Donnie watched Mikey, noting that even though the youngest turtle was sitting down his face continued to hold a slightly pained expression. As they finished eating he leaned in closer so only Mikey could hear him speak. “Mikey……are you in pain?”

Mikey was silent for a moment before nodding slowly. “Y….yeah…..can……….can you help me to my room?”

Nodding Donnie moved, helping to keep Mikey’s weight off his leg as they slowly left the table and moved back to him room. No one else said a word; seeming to understand that right now Mikey needed them to not interfere with him right now.

Pushing open the door to their shared room Donnie helped Mikey over to the bed before watching as Mikey sank down on the old mattress hissing in pain as he did so. “F…f…fuck……it hurts.”

It was a mark of just how much pain Mikey was in that he’d sworn. Biting his lip Donnie moved, kneeling down to dig around under his bed for a moment before pulling out the bag that held the pain meds he and Raph had stolen several nights before.

Shaking out one of the pills into his hand Donnie paused just long enough to grab a half empty water bottle before moving back to Mikey and pushing the pill and bottle into his hand. “Take this. It’ll help with the pain.”

Mikey looked at the pill for a moment before looking up at him. “Did you ‘make’ this too Donnie?”

Donnie sighed and repeated himself. “Take the pill Mikey. It’ll help.”

Mikey was silent for a moment before putting the pill in his mouth and taking a drink of water. Taking the bottle from Mikey Donnie set the bottle down before turning back to Mikey. “Can…..can I get you anything Mikey?”

Mikey was silent for a moment before responding. “Can……would you stay with me for a bit?”

Donnie nodded before clambering up onto the bed and cuddling up to Mikey, like they had done so often when they were younger. All around them they could hear the sounds of lair. The echoing footsteps of their brothers, the occasional tap of master splinter’s cane, and sounds of Leo practicing his katas, while Raph pounded away at his punching bag.

“D…Donnie…..”

Mikey shifted, turning so he could look at Donnie. Biting his lip Donnie noted that Mikey’s eyes had changed, it was larger than it should have been; a sign that the meds Mikey had taken were not only working but making him loopy. He felt Mikey shift closer, clinging tightly to him.

“Am…..am I still your brother?”

Donnie nodded, pulling Mikey in closer. “Of course Mikey. Of course you’re my brother.”

He felt Mikey move, his body beginning to shake as he began to cry. “I don't like this……I’m….useless…….i can barely walk…..I’m……”

But Donnie held him tighter. “You’re my brother. That will never change.”

But Mikey continued to cry and shake. “I’m sorry Donnie……I’m so sorry.”

Donnie clutched him tighter. “Don’t be sorry Mikey…..just get better, ok?”

Mikey sniffed loudly but nodded. “O….ok.”


	21. WORDS of self-loathing

Slowly they fell into a rhythm. Every morning they would wake up, and while Leo and Raph went to prepare breakfast Donnie would stay behind and help Mikey. He would help the youngest turtle to put on his brace before remaining by his side as the youngest turtle would slowly limp out of their room and towards the bathroom before going to the kitchen and sitting down at the table. it was in the mornings that Mikey was most like his old self. Yes he was shy around his other brothers but he’d smile at them, eat breakfast with them, laugh at their jokes, he’d just be a normal turtle.

After breakfast Leo and Raph would clear the table and do the dishes while Donnie would slowly help Mikey towards his lab and the small area he’d built to help Mikey recover from his injuries. It was here that Mikey would take off his brace and slowly work. Bending and twisting his leg, so the muscles didn’t become weak from lack of use.

As they would work Donnie would watch Mikey’s face. he’d see the flickers of pain flash across Mikey’s young features and he’d feel his heart twinge. No matter what anyone said this WAS his fault. Because he’d lost his temper and yelled at Mikey, Mikey had gotten injured. Because of him, Mikey was stuck like this, forced to go through exercises everyday that cause him pain. Nothing could change that, nothing could change what he’d done; but he could work to make it up. So he pushed Mikey, doing his best to seem kind and loving as he forced Mikey to work a bit harder or longer everyday.

Slowly Mikey began to make progress. Yes the exercises still caused Mikey pain, but slowly Mikey began to improve. Slowly he was able stand for longer without his brace; slowly he was able to move fast and with more certainty. In those moments Donnie felt happy. Mikey was making progress, he was getting better. Other times Donnie’s heart would plummet as Mikey found himself in to much pain to go on. He'd watch as tears would form in the youngest turtle’s eyes and his sides would heave as he struggled to breath because the pain was so great.

He’d tell Mikey they could stop, that he’d done enough that day; and each time he got the same response. Mikey would snarl at him and shake his head, “NO. I’ll finish this set. THEN I’ll stop.” And so he would, continuing to do the remaining number of movements until the set was done. Only then would he sink to the ground, panting, crying, sweating but never sobbing. No matter how much pain he was in Mikey never sobbed, he never voiced his pain. yes he cried; sometimes so hard that his entire body would shake, but not once did a single sound escape his lips.

On those days everyone would help, they’d huddle around Mikey and slowly help him to his room, before guiding him into bed. Leo and Raph would stay with Mikey, huddling against his body as they both gently nuzzled and comforted him, while Donnie would go off and prepare some pain meds for Mikey to take. After he took the pill Mikey’s façade would come down. The meds slowly worked, loosening his mind, allowing Mikey finally cry for real.

The brothers would huddle closer to Mikey, willing him to understand that he wasn't alone. That the words the meds made him say, that he was useless, weak, pathetic, not worth their effort; were not true. That they loved him and cared for him, that they would get through this. Eventually Mikey would fall asleep, they would remain together for a little while, the remaining three brothers sharing glances at each other. In their heads they were all thinking the same thing, the situation sucked, not just sucked but REALLY SUCKED.

======

Slowly Donnie stirred. For a moment he wondered what had woken him up. he got his answer a moment later as next to him he felt Mikey stir, groaning as he slowly moved as though to get up. Moving, Donnie gripped Mikey’s shoulder gently. “Mikey…..what’s……”

But Mikey cut him off his voice an odd tone as he struggled against Donnie’s grip. “let me go. I have to…..”

But Donnie cut him off. “Mikey. It’s ok. It’s the just the meds. Just go back to sleep.”

As he spoke Donnie moved, trying to pull Mikey back into the spot and position he’d been in moments ago. He frowned as Mikey resisted, hissing as a small lash of pain shot through his leg. “NO. let me go. I’m…….I’m……..gunna…….”

Donnie sat up, looking at his youngest brother as Mikey slowly swayed side to side for a moment. “mik-”

But his words were cut off a fraction of a moment later. It happened in slow motion. He watched as a kind of shudder rolled through Mikey’s entire body. A second later Mikey’s sides heaved as he vomited, throwing up the entire contents of his stomach. It took every ounce of self control Donnie had to not scream in disgust as he felt the sickeningly warm bile touch his skin, dousing parts of his chest, arms and leg in the vile substance. He forced himself to not react, to remain silent and still as Mikey continued to vomit until there was nothing left in his stomach.

He let go of Mikey’s shoulder, remaining frozen for a full 5 seconds as Mikey managed to clamber off the bed and take 3 steps before crumpling to the ground in pain. Taking several deep breath Donnie willed himself to remain calm as he moved, slowly climbing off the bed. Against his will he shuddered in disgust as he felt the vomit that clung to his skin move, slowly dripping off his arm and leg and onto the bed and floor as he moved.

He knelt down next to Mikey, gently touching Mikey’s shoulder. The moment his skin touched Mikey’s the youngest turtle began to cry, sobbing and shaking as he lay there on the ground. “oh god……I’m…..i’m sorry…..please……I’m so sorry………”

Donnie bit his lip. Every fiber of his being wanted to scream and yell in disgust. And yet he knew if he did the situation would become 10 times worse. Slowly he worked, helping pull Mikey to his feet as the youngest turtle continued to sob and plead, “I’m sorry……I’m sorry……..I’m sorry……”

He shook his head, still unable to speak as he helped Mikey to the bathroom. The moment they were inside Mikey threw himself at the toilet, managing to make it just in time as another wave of vomit erupted from his stomach making his sides heave and shake. Continuing to take deep breaths Donnie acted, forcing himself to speak. “Mikey……..I’ll be right back…….”

Mikey didn’t respond as another wave of vomit made him sob and shake. Forcing himself to do nothing but take deep breaths and move, Donnie left the bathroom and slowly walked until he was in front of Raph's door. Banging on the wooden plank Donnie pushed the door open a moment later, not waiting for Raph to respond. He expected Raph to yell at him, to tell him to get out. Yet the scene that met his eyes gave him a moment to pause. Raphael was curled up in bed, obviously sound asleep. Next to him was Leo, curled up so Raph's head was nuzzled against Leo’s neck while the oldest turtle held the red banded turtle in a deeply loving embrace.

Clearing his throat loudly Donnie watched as Leo and Raph moved, slowly waking up before opening their eyes and noticing that he was there. It was Leo who spoke first. “Donnie……wha…….”

But Raph cut him off a moment later, his beak wrinkling in disgust. “god….what’s that smell?”

Taking another deep breath Donnie did his best to remain calm. “Mikey……is sick……..i need…….one of you……..to stay with him………..while I……..” he broke off as a fresh wave of disgust washed through him. he wanted to run, to scream, to get the sickeningly warm bile that clung to his skin; off. Forcing himself to take another deep breath he spoke. “JUST GO TO MIKEY…….PLEASE…..”

He didn’t say another as the disgust overwhelmed him. he ran, running through and out of the lair, down the tunnel that led to the subway, before turning right and throwing himself at a small stream of water that fell from the a small crack in the ceiling. He scratched and tore at his skin, doing his best to wash the sickening substance from his skin. He didn’t care that his skin stung and hurt, didn’t care that the water was ice cold. All he cared about was getting the vomit off his skin.

 

** LEO’S POV **

****

Leo did his best to comfort Mikey. Gently he ran his hands along Mikey’s shell and the back of his neck, trying to sooth the upset turtle who remained hunched over the toilet despite the fact that he wasn’t throwing up anymore. Raph had stayed for a few moments but had since gone to try and find Donnie leaving Leo alone with Mikey. He felt his heart twinge as Mikey sobbed. He worked harder, leaning in to nuzzle Mikey’s neck only to have the young turtle recoil, pushing him away until Mikey’s shell hit the side of the bathtub. Leo felt his heart break as Mikey pulled his legs against his chest and buried his face against his knees before continuing to sob.

Slowly he moved, reaching out to try and comfort Mikey. “Mikey……”

A moment later Mikey spoke, his voice filled with pain and sobs. “Why can't…..i just…..die?!”

Leo felt his eyes widen in horror at Mikey’s words. “Mikey……”

But again Mikey cut him off, his voice filled with pain and self loathing. “I’m useless……I can barely walk……..Donnie hates me……..I……….I want to die.” A moment later Mikey looked at him. “Why couldn't I have just died? That would have been better than this!”

Leo shook his head as he moved, wrapping his arms around Mikey’s shoulder, resisting as Mikey struggled to get away. “MIKEY…” Leo’s voice was firm, so firm that Mikey stopped struggling. “LOOK AT ME.” Mikey did as he was told, looking up at Leo, a mixture of pain and fear filling his eyes. Taking a deep breath Leo spoke in what he hoped was an authoritative voice. “YOU ARE NOT USELESS, YOU ARE NOT PATHETIC, AND I DON'T **EVER** WANT TO HEAR YOU SAY YOU WISH YOU WERE DEAD. UNDERSTAND?”

Mikey sniffed loudly but nodded slowly. “O……o….ok.”

Pulling Mikey in a bit closer Leo moved so Mikey’s head could rest against his shoulder. “and Donnie doesn’t hate you. Why would you think that?”

Again Mikey sniffed. “Because I threw up on him.”

Leo shook his head, clinging to Mikey a little tighter as he did so. “Donnie will understand. You’re sick right now. He won’t………he won’t be mad. I promise……”

Mikey didn’t respond but instead buried his face against Leo’s shoulder and began to cry again. Leo did the only thing he could do. Gently he moved Mikey’s body so the youngest turtle was sitting in his lap, before cradling his body and doing his best to comfort his upset brother.

 

** RAPH’S POV **

 

It hadn’t taken Raph long to find Donnie. The genius turtle was barely 100 yards from the entrance to their hot. And yet as Raph got closer to Donnie he felt his eyes widen. Donnie was tearing violently at his skin, as though he were trying to rip it off his body. Angry red welts had appeared on his arms and legs while his plastron and carapace had several deep scratches on it. stepping forward so Donnie would be able to see him Raph spoke. “Donnie stop.”

But if Donnie heard him he ignored him, instead continuing to rip and tear at his skin so violently that Raph was amazed he wasn't drawing blood. Rushing forward Raph grabbed Donnie’s wrists before wrestling him out from under the stream of freezing water. A moment later Donnie’s shell hit the wall of the tunnel. “LET GO OF ME!”

Raph shook his head. “NO. NOT TILL YOU CALM DOWN!”

But Donnie snarled at him, struggling against his grip. “DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN! MIKEY’S SICK, AND I CAN'T FIX IT! I’M A FAILURE, A WASTE OF SPACE AND LIFE! I DON'T DESER-”

But Donnie’s words were cut off as Raph slapped him across the face. For a full 10 seconds the tunnel was completely silent as Donnie blinked up at Raph in surprise. After a moment he spoke in a weak, shaking voice. “y…..yo……you…….hit….me……”

Raph nodded, forcing himself to take deep breaths as he did so. “Donnie……I know you’re scared and upset. But right now that’s only going to make things worse. I……WE……your family needs you to focus. We need you to calm down and tell us what to do…..because…….” a tone of fear crept into Raph's voice; not something he was used to. “Because if you lose it……then I don't know how long the rest of us…….can hold it together for.”

Donnie was silent as he watched Raph struggle with the complex waves of emotions that seemed to be surging through him as he struggled to speak. “We’re barely holding it together Donnie……. Leo and I……we’re……..we don't know what to do. No one will tell us what’s going on. You and Mikey……..you have to let us help. You have to tell us what to do……because……..we’re falling apart. We…….can’t keep acting like this. We can't keep watching our brother’s struggle but not be able to help…….you………you have to let us help you…….not just a little……….we can help……..let us help you.”

As Raph's words echoed in the tunnel Donnie took the time to look at his hot headed brother. Raph's skin was pale, a sign of stress, his eyes were sunken back and he looked exhausted, they no longer shown with the kind of inner fire they once had but instead seemed to contain a kind of fear in them. But it went deeper than that. There was an air of desperation that seemed to hover around Raph. A feeling of profound confusion and uncertainty that looked like it was slowly eating Raph from the inside out.

After several seconds Raph spoke again. His voice shaking as he spoke. “You…….you have to let us help Mikey……..we can't just keep clearing the table, and helping carry Mikey to his room. We…….we can't keep going like this……Ok?”

Donnie took several deep breaths before nodding slowly.

“ok…….ok Raph. Ok.”

But Raph shook his head. “NO. YOU’RE JUST SAYING THAT! YOU HAVE TO LET US HELP DONNIE! You………our family is falling apart and no one will tell me or Leo what to do.”

Donnie nodded again. “I will Raph. I promise…….”

Raph looked up at him, pain, fear, desperation and need radiating from every feature of Raph's face. “What……what do we do Donnie? Please……..please……tell me what to do.”

Taking a deep breath Donnie moved, overcoming Raph's weakened grip before wrapping his arms around Raph's shoulders in a tight hug. “I NEED you to keep me sane. I need you to keep me from losing it completely ok?” Raph sniffed loudly but nodded. “Ok Donnie. I will.”

Squeezing Raph tighter Donnie spoke. “I mean it. There are days when I’m going to be so angry I can't think straight. Or times where I’ll want to give up hope and………do something rash. But I need you to keep me going. I NEED you to keep me from giving up.”

Again Raph nodded, this time squeezing Donnie back. “Ok. I will.”

They stayed like this for a moment longer; huddled against each other. Clinging to the other in a desperate need to feel the connection. They needed each other, they needed the other to keep them going. Without them……they would break down.

After several moments Raph spoke. “Let’s…….let’s go back. Mikey needs are help.”

Donnie nodded. “O…..ok.”

Slowly they moved back into the lair, making their way to the bathroom where they both stopped. Mikey was curled up in Leo’s lap with Leo gently stroking Mikey’s shell. Leo looked up at them as they entered the room; and it was in that moment that Donnie saw it. Leo’s eyes held the same kind of desperation that Raph's had held. It might have been held back with a stronger will but it was unmistakably there.

Without saying a word they all moved. Helping to cradle Mikey between them as they carried him to Raph's room which was the closest. Laying down on the bed Donnie felt Raph ly down behind him before moving in closer, cuddling up to him as Leo lay Mikey down against Donnie’s chest, before laying down behind him. a moment later Raph pulled the blanket over them, covering them all with the warm fabric sheet.

None of them spoke. There was nothing they could say, each of them was struggling with their own helplessness and failures. All they could do was stick together and pray things got better before they started breaking down. 


	22. WORDS in recovery PART 1

Splinter watched as his sons slowly filled into the dojo before kneeling in front of him. He watched as Leonardo knelt straight backed and proud, his stance showing utter devotion to the ideals splinter had taught him. Next to him Raphael sat almost the same, except that the red banded turtle’s fingers continuously flexed and tapped; a sign of his impatience. Next to Raphael Donatello was helping Mikey to sit down, gently and lovingly supporting Michelangelo as the orange banded turtle slowly moved until he was sitting on the floor. Unlike the rest of his brother’s because of the brace he could not kneel and was instead forced to sit with his legs straight out in front of him.

remaining silent for several moments splinter scanned his sons noting that although they were all putting on brave faces, he could see chinks in their armor. Small flashes and glimpses that told him they were not well. Donatello’s skin was red in some places, angry welts having appeared on his arms from when he’d been clawing at them only a few days ago. Raphael’s eyes were hollow and dim, a sign that he not getting a lot of sleep, Mikey’s entire face radiated shame and guilt, all of his features appearing sad. But it was Leonardo who drew most of splinter’s attention. His blue banded son sat straight-backed and proud, were it not for his eyes which constantly flicked sideways scanning his brothers; splinter would have assumed the oldest turtle was perfectly fine.

Taking a deep breath splinter spoke. “my sons……..i know the last few weeks have been……trying, to say the least.”

He watched as they all shifted, their eyes slowly flickering to look over one another before returning to look at him as he continued to speak. “however after much thought I have decided that it is time we resume your training.”

He watched how his son’s reacted, noting that Leonardo simply nodded and bowed in agreement. While Raphael rolled his eyes. Next to him Donatello looked nervously at Michelangelo who hung his head a little lower. Sighing deeply splinter continued. “however, the lair has fallen into……disrepair while we’ve all been focused on helping Michelangelo recover.  As such before we begin our first lesson we will need to work on cleaning, and repairing the lair. Donatello, you and I will go to the dump and search for any electronic components that you may need to make such repairs. Raphael, you and Leatherhead will scout the tunnels and subway systems that surround our home for danger. Leonardo……..”

Turning to look at his oldest son splinter watched as Leo’s muscles tensed, readying himself for his duty. “You will remain here, and help Michelangelo with his recovery exercises.”

Leonardo paused for a moment before nodding. Watching his sons get to their feet splinter spoke again. “Leonardo. Please stay here for a moment. I wish to speak to you in private.”

As Leo nodded the rest of the brother’s slowly filled out of the room, doing their best to help Mikey who seemed to have resigned himself to their help. As they closed the door behind them splinter sighed before closing his eyes for a moment. Suddenly he felt very old, all the aches and pains he’d gathered over a lifetime felt much stronger then they had in a very long time. Opening his eyes again he found that Leonardo was kneeling in front of him again, while looking at him waiting for him to speak. “Leonardo, I understand Donatello has been having Michelangelo do physical exercises to help him recover from his injury.”

Leonardo nodded before speaking. “yes. Donnie has Mikey to squats and leg lifts and…..”

But Leo’s voice trailed off as splinter raised a hand. After a moment splinter spoke again. “However, I wish for you to have him meditate with you.”

Leo nodded but looked slightly confused. “ok……..but sensie……..why?”

Splinter sighed again before speaking. “do you think me to be deaf Leonardo? Do you think that I did not hear what happened 2 nights ago? Do you think I did not hear Michelangelo being violently sick, or wishing that he was dead? do you think me blind to what has been happening to my sons?”

Leo bit his lip. Part of him and wanted to tell splinter about what had happened. But when he’d spoken to his brother’s about it they had convinced him to remain silent. That telling splinter about this would only add more stress to the aging martial arts master. Slowly Leo bowed his head, his shoulders slumping forward in shame. “I’m sorry for not saying anything sensei.”

Splinter sighed again but nodded. “I do not fault you Leonardo. Your brothers can be very persuasive when they wish to be. But let us turn our attention to the matter of Michelangelo. his words that night have……alarmed me and have put my soul at great unrest.”

Leonardo looked up at him, understanding covering his face. “yes sensei……he………I’ve never seen him so upset before. he……he wishes he were dead.”

Splinter nodded. “Yes. He has begun dealing with absolutes. And this is what concerns me most of all.”

Leonardo cocked his head to the side. “Absolutes? I do not understand sensei.”

Splinter nodded. “when a person begins to deal in absolutes it is a sign that their mind if becoming…….clouded. when in battle what are your options?”

Leonardo blinked for several moments before responding. “Fighting back, retreating, or capturing or disabling your enemy. Why?”

Despite the situation splinter could not help but feel a small sense of pride well in his heart from his oldest son’s response. Truly he would grow to be an excellent leader. “you listed all possibilities. Even those that are not victory or defeat. Michelangelo’s mind seems to be abandoning those ideas. He’s beginning to see the world in black and white, with only 2 options available to him; life or death. He thinks he will never overcome his injuries. His injuries are still so new that we do not know if he will recover or not. And yet his mind has concluded that he will not recover, that he will become nothing but a burden to this family. He cannot know if this is certain or not, I myself to do not know. But I do know this, he must be made to understand. He must be brought back and made to think rationally. If he is not, if he wallows in a world of absolutes……..I fear he may take matters into his own hands.”

Leonardo’s eyes widened; a sign he understood the full implications of splinter’s words. Splinter watched as fear, pain, and sadness flickered across his son’s face. “s…suicide?”

Splinter sighed but nodded. “it……is possible. Which is why I beg you Leonardo, open his eyes. Show him that there is still hope, that he can still become as he once was.”

Leonardo nodded and bowed. “I will sensei. I promise I will.”

Splinter nodded. As Leonardo straightened up splinter spoke. “I……am old Leonardo. My body and soul grow weary. I do not know how much time I have left In this world. But I pray that when I do venture into the next life that I will leave this world surrounded by my sons, ALL of them.”

Again Leonardo nodded. “I’ll not fail you sen……..father.”

Splinter bit his lip but smiled. He could only pray Leonardo was telling the truth.

 

======================

 

Michelangelo slowly knocked on the door of the dojo, only opening it when his Leo’s voiced called to him from inside. “come in.”

Slowly opened the door, Michelangelo found Leo was kneeling in the center of the room just in front of the tree that grew out of the floor. After a moment Leo’s eyes opened and he smiled at his brother. “Hello Mikey. How are you feeling today?”

Michelangelo surged as he slowly moved so he was standing in front of Leo who remained seated. “I feel…….useless…….pathetic……like…….i’m a burden to the family.”

Leo bit his lip. Mikey’s words hurt him deeply. The youngest turtle was not a burden. Pushing passed these feelings Leo spoke. “Why don't you sit with me for a moment before we begin your exercises?”

Frowning for a moment Michelangelo did as Leo asked, slowly managing to lower himself to the ground so he now sat with his legs flat against the floor. After several moments Leo spoke. “Do you know why I enjoy meditating so much?”

Michelangelo was silent for a moment. “No.”

Leo smiled weakly at his brother. “It’s because while meditating I can process what has happened to me during the day. It allows me to clear my mind and……come to terms with my life.”

Michelangelo nodded slowly. “Ok…..I think I understand.”

Leo smiled stronger this time. “Why don't you give it a try. Just close your eyes, and clear your mind.”

Sighing Michelangelo looked at his oldest brother who showed no signs of moving until he was satisfied that he had at least tried it. Sighing again he closed his eyes, allowing his mind to go blank. After several moments he spoke. “What now?”

Across from him Leo chuckled. “Allow your mind to focus on a single thought. Let that thought fill you until it’s the only thing you can think of, till you can feel that thought not just in your mind, but in your very soul.”

Doing as he was instructed Mikey opened his mind, searching for an emotion he could feel. He found one almost right away, the cold, mind numbing, crushing feeling of just how useless and pathetic he was.

“allow your mind to examine the emotion. Probe it, find out why it is you feel this way.”

Sniffing gently Mikey did his best to keep his composure as he did as he was told. Why did he feel pathetic…….because he was. It was true; no matter how a person looked at the situation he was pathetic. He was shy, so shy that he could barely speak unless Donatello was there with him. and although he’d slowly been able to work through that, it had taken him almost…..14 years to get to the point he was at now. And even now if he spoke for too long it felt as though he was bothering his brothers.

But there was more to it than that. He was a burden on his family. For almost two weeks now his family had practically halted their normal lives so they could help him try and recover from his injuries.

Biting his lip Mikey tried to hold back the wave of sorrow and loathing he felt. Why had this happened to him? Why was everyone being so nice to him? He deserved what had happened to him. he’s wrecked Donnie’s lab, destroyed months of work and experiments and……Donnie had told him the truth.

_“USELESS! GET OUT OF HERE MIKEY! DON'T EVER SPEAK TO ME AGAIN! YOU RUINED EVERYTHING!”_

He recalled those words. They were etched into his brain, so he would never forget them. Donnie was a genius. Everything he said was true. Donnie had called him useless……..so it was true, he was useless………and yet……

“I’m…..sorry.”

He spoke so softly he didn’t think anyone could hear him, not even Leo who was a few feet from him. The barrier he’d been working to keep up finally broke, wave after wave of soul crushing sadness washed over him, pulling at him, dragging him down. “I’m sorry Donnie…….I…..I…….”

Leo watched Mikey, slightly alarmed as tears began to trickle down the sides of Mikey’s face. he watched as Mikey’s shoulders began to shake as he cried, his brother’s aura radiating nothing but sadness and pain and he continued to speak. “I’m sorry……..I’m useless…….I’m sorry…….i’m sorry……I ruined everything……...”

Bit his lip Leo spoke softly. “Why do you think you ruined everything?”

He prayed his plan was working. After a moment Mikey responded, his voice shaking and weak. “Cause…….Donnie said it…….and he’s…..a genius…….so it has to be true. I’m useless, and pathetic, and a failure……I don't deserve to be alive…….I only ruin everything.”

Leo bit his lip. It pained him to hear his youngest brother say this. He could feel the waves of sadness coming off Mikey, it was like he was carrying around an ocean of sorrow and guilt and yet he had no reason to feel this way.

“Is that it? Because Donnie said it, it must be true?”

After a moment Mikey nodded slowly. “He’s a genius…….he NEVER wrong.”

Taking a deep breath Leo did his best to quell his own sorrows. How could Mikey believe this? How could he believe that just because Donnie had said something mean to him in a moment of anger; that his entire life wasn't worth living anymore?

“Mikey…….do you remember the time we all snuck into the tunnels after that rainstorm?”

Mikey opened his eyes before nodding slowly. “Yes………Raph wanted to go swimming and splinter had told you to keep an eye on us.”

Leo nodded, a faint smile tugging at his lips and he recalled the memory with more detail. He remembered how Raph had called him chicken, and how Raph had tried to goad him for over an hour into leaving the lair only to give up and say he was going alone.

“Remember when we got to the tunnel and there was that pipe sticking up out of the water in the middle of the run off pool?”

Mikey nodded slowly. “Raph bet you that he could make it to the top first.”

Leo nodded and smiled. “Yes. And do you remember that Donnie said?”

Mikey frowned slightly before speaking. “He said……..the pipe was made of……………something…….but because it was wet neither of you would be able to climb it.”

Leo smiled again. in truth Donnie had spent 5 minutes prattling on about how the pipe was made of stainless steel and how when wet stainless still provided no grip or friction for grip. “and yet as I recall I bet Raph to the top.”

Mikey nodded slowly. “Yeah……” a moment later a small smile twitched at the sides of Mikey’s lips. “He kept saying you must have cheated.”

Leo smiled too. “But I didn’t……..Mikey…….Donnie was wrong…..we WERE able to climb the pole and get to the top.”

Mikey nodded slowly. “I guess……but he was 7.”

Leo shrugged. In a way he supposed Mikey had a fair point. Searching his mind for a more recent example Leo smiled as he found one that would work. “Remember when he said he could build a robot that would do all our chores for us?”

Again a smile flickered across Mikey’s face. “Yeah……it blew up when he was trying to teach it how to clean the toilets.”

Leo nodded. “He was wrong. Or the time he and Raph bet they could beat me in sparing if they teams up?”

Another smile crossed Mikey’s face. “You kicked their asses……..and gave Raph a marker mustache.”

Again Leo nodded, chuckling slightly as he remembered the mustache he’d drawn on his unconscious red banded brother. “He was wrong then to……Mikey……..Donnie is wrong all the time. He’s not ALWAYS right.”

Mikey was silent for a moment. “But……..it’s true……..I’m……….You’re the leader, Raph's the fighter, Donnie’s the genius…….but……..what am I?”

Leo sighed. “You’re our brother Mikey…….that’s what you are. You’re not useless…….”

Mikey looked up at him. “you’re just saying that.”

Leo felt a spark of anger flicker. “NO I’M NOT.”

Taking a deep breath Leo spoke calmly but firmly. “I’m the leader of this team Mikey. What I say, goes; and I say you’re not useless, understand?”

Mikey nodded slowly. Leo bit his lip. “No. say it, say you understand.”

Mikey sighed. “I understand.”

Again Leo spoke. “You understand what?”

Mikey glared at him. “I understand, I’m not…..useless.”

Leo growled. “I don't believe you. Say it so I believe you.”

Again Mikey glared at him before repeating himself louder this time. “I understand I’m not useless.”

Leo smiled and nodded. He could see it now, some small part of Mikey's aura had changed. It no longer was a sea of sadness but…….a kind of resolve. “That’s right Mikey. You’re not. Now let’s do your exercises so you can resume training with us. Ok?”

Mikey nodded, slowly getting to his feet before giving Leo a warm smile. “thank you……..”


	23. WORDS in recovery PART 2

Raph followed Leatherhead, doing his best to keep up with the large gator who somehow managed to move surprisingly fast for his size. Making their way through the tunnels in silence raph took a moment to look at his surroundings. He’d been in this tunnel before, but not for a while. Last time the red brick walls had been bare and 'clean'; but now graffiti covered the bricks, and the vague smell of smoke met his nostrils.   
  
After a few moments Leatherhead turned to him and spoke. "Recently junkies and homeless people have been coming into the sewers to escape the cold. Splinter wants you to help me clear them out. Ok?"  
  
Raph nodded. "Ok. But how are we gunna clear them out? I........I don’t want to hurt someone who's just trying to survive."  
  
Leatherhead smiled warmly. Splinter had told him that underneath Raphael's hard and tough exterior was a gentle heart. Leaning down Leatherhead put his hand on Raph’s shoulder. "Do not worry. We will not be harming anyone physically. I will scare them into running away and then you and i will board up or block the paths they use to escape. so they cannot come back down here later ok?"  
  
Raph nodded, but cocked his head to the side. "Ok..............how are you gunna be scary?"  
  
Leatherhead grinned, making sure to show Raphael, every one of his 80 razor sharp teeth. He could not help but check as Raphael’s eyes went wide. "I can think of a few ways. Now come."  
  
Follow Leatherhead a little bit more, the two soon came to a stop as the sound of voices reached their ears. Following Leatherhead's lead raph poked the very edge of his face around the corner, looking down the tunnel towards the small group of humans that had gather in the tunnel. He watched as they laughed. One of them was busy spray painting something onto the tunnel while the others were throwing garbage into a barrel which was on fire, casting long shadows through the tunnel. Ducking back behind the wall Leatherhead spoke. “Ready?”

Raph nodded and watched as Leatherhead picked up a brick that had fallen from the roof of the tunnel before turning and handing it to him. “Throw this and get their attention. Ok?”

Raph nodded and leaned around the corner taking aim at a small pile of glass bottles the humans had produced from their drinking. Lobbing the brick through the air Raph grinned and let out a nervous laugh as the heavy stone brick smashed and shattered the discarded bottles makes the humans flinch as they spun in every direction looking for the sound. A second later Leatherhead spoke in his ear. “Say something……sound tough.”

Grinning even more Raph did his best to sound tough and menacing as he shouted. “GET OUT! THIS IS MY TUNNEL!”

While some of the humans began to run away some of them did not. Raph watched as a male human wearing a baggy shirt and pants laughed. “WHY DON'T YOU MAKE US GO AWAY?”

Behind Raph Leatherhead spoke, his voice sounding gruff and angry. “Come around the corner and say that to my face you little punk.”

As the humans began to move to their spot Raph ran, ducking behind Leatherhead before peeking out around his hip to watch as the humans came around the corner. “The fucks……yer…….probl…….”

The human’s voices trailed off as they found themselves not looking at another human but an 8 foot tall mutant sewer gator who glared down at them for a split second. A moment later Leatherhead opened his mouth and let out a bellowing roar that made the entire tunnel shake and vibrate. The humans let out a terrified scream and began to run, shoving and tripping over each other as they ran from the tunnel screaming the entire time.

As the sounds of the running humans died down Leatherhead looked down at Raph before giving him a gentle pat on the head. “That was fun.”

Raph nodded in agreement. “HELL YEAH! LET’S DO IT AGAIN!”

Leatherhead grinned and nodded. “Don’t worry, we will. But first we have to block off the passages they used to get down here. Ok?”

Sighing Raph nodded and followed as Leatherhead moved into the camp the humans had set up. Slowly they began to work, gathering up garbage and debris before pushing it in front of the tunnel the humans had run up and out of to escape them. As they worked Leatherhead watched Raph; noting that the red banded turtle had a habit of grabbing large chunks of debris which would result in his struggling and heaving to move them, only to turn away help when it was offered.

Pausing Leatherhead watched as Raph struggled to drag a large oil barrel filled with garbage in front of the tunnel. After several moments of no luck Raph stopped pulling, instead leaning against the barrel panting roughly to regain his breath. “Need help?”

Raph looked up at him before shaking his head. “No I can do it.” as he spoke Raph began to struggle with the barrel again, managing to move it a few inches before he groaned as his arms pulsed with fatigue.

Sighing and shaking his head to himself Leatherhead moved, gripping one side of the barrel with his hands. “It’s not a sign of weakness to ask for help.”

Leatherhead watched as Raphael opened his mouth to respond only to pause for a moment. He could see the wheels turning in Raph's head as he thought about what Leatherhead had said as well as what he, Raph had been about to say. After several seconds Raph closed his mouth before nodding slowly. “O…..ok……thank you.”

Slowly thy continued to work, sealing up the tunnel entrance before backing away to admire their work. As they stood their looking at the now blocked off tunnel Raph spoke slowly. “My brother……Mikey……..he……..he trusts you……right?”

Leatherhead turned to look down at Raph before nodding. “Yes, I believe so.”

Raph nodded slowly before speaking again. “Help him…….please? For me…..”

Leatherhead smiled and nodded slowly. “I will do my best.”

 

==========================================

 

Looking over the piles of junk Donatello did his best to find the parts he would need to get the lair back up and running. Behind him Splinter sighed as the old rat gently leaned against the small wagon they had brought with them to help carry the stuff they found. “My son….”

Turning Donatello looked at his father. “Yes?”

Splinter looked at him for a moment before speaking. “I just…….I want to thank you for all you do for this family.”

He shrugged, he didn’t do anything special. “It’s no big deal.”

He watched as his father shook his head. “Yes it is my son. You do so much for this family but you ask for so little in return. It is commendable and I want you to know that I appreciate it.”

Donatello bit his lip but nodded slowly. “O……ok.”

As Donatello spoke Splinter raised an eyebrow. Something about his son’s tone told him he was slightly uncomfortable. Opening his mouth to speak again Splinter felt his eyes widen in surprise as his son cut him off speaking over him. “I just want to find the stuff we need and go. ok?”

Closing his mouth Splinter nodded and fell in line behind his son as they began to pick through the piles and mountains of junk that surrounded them. As they moved Donatello spoke. “be careful. These piles might be unstable; they could collapse at any moment. Ok?”

Splinter nodded and did his best to be careful as they worked, picking through the piles until they found what they were looking for; a length of flexible piping, a heating coil, a slightly dirty but still usable blanket, a few slightly dented pots and pans. As they worked Splinter watched his son, noting the look of determination on Donatello’s face.

High above them the sun began to set, casting a bright orange tinged light that made the various metal surfaces around them glint and glimmer like sheets of jewels. As the sun continued to set a small wind picked up, blowing through the junkyard making Splinter shiver slightly. in front of him if Donatello was cold he showed no signs, instead focusing on finding the next part on their list. “my son……perhaps we should go back. it is getting late and dark.”

But Donatello shook his head. “No. I won’t leave until I find what we need.”

Something in Donatello’s voice made Splinter frown. Donnie’s normally kind and caring voice had a tinge of…….coldness in it. he continued on, watching as he son clambered up and down the piles of junk, digging and searching for the next part on their list.

The darkness was rushing in now, bringing with it more cold wind which made Splinter shiver and tug his thin robes closer to his body. “Donatello it is time to leave.”

But again Donatello shook his head. “No. I’m not going anywhere.”

Before Splinter could respond Donatello clambered up another pile of junk and out of sight. Splinter felt his heartbeat begin to race as he tried to follow his son; doing his best climb up the side of the pile with the speed and agility his son was showing. But it was no use, unlike his sons Splinter’s feet were not flat and as such sunk down into the muck that held the junk in place like concrete and plaster. “Donatello…..”

He got no response in return. He struggled, doing his best to continue on, only to find himself nearly unable to move as he sunk just past his knees into the muck. Struggling to get free Splinter staggered away from the pile, gripping the side of the wagon for support as he struggled to regain his breath. “Donatello……”

Again he got no response. All around him he could hear sounds. Piles of junk creaking and groaning as the wind blew against them. Further away he could hear movement Donatello or possibly someone else. He opened his mouth to call his son again when a new sound met his ears and filled his heart with dread; the sound of junk falling and crashing to the ground.

He began to run, doing his best to follow the deafening crashes as the pile of junk his son had been on collapsed. Rounding a corner Splinter skidded to a halt as he found himself standing on the edge of a large dust cloud. Moving into the cloud Splinter coughed and gagged as the dust got into his mouth and eyes; but he continue onward, feeling his way through the cloud until he found the base of the pile that had collapsed.

He did his best to contain his fear, pushing the horrible shaking cold feeling as deep down in his mind as he could. Panicking would only make this worse. He had no doubt that the owner of the junkyard had heard the sound of the pile collapsing and would no doubt come to investigate, which meant he had only a few moments to find his son and get them out of sight.

He worked as fast as he could, picking through the junk that had fallen. As he worked he prayed. In Donatello was buried under the fallen junk it could take his hours to find his son. Time he knew he did not have. Each moment he searched he felt the panic he was working so hard to keep under control, grow. It was like a horrible twisting gnarled root that wriggled and writhed until…… “Donatello!”

He surged forward, finally finding his son half buried under a pile of loose junk and debris. Somewhere behind him he could hear footsteps, someone speaking, but he pushed those thoughts from his head. Right now he had to focus.

He could see Donatello moving, grumbling and moaning as he tried to move only to find one of his arms buried under some of the fallen junk. Luckily Donatello didn’t seem to have been injured in the collapse and for that Splinter was grateful. Digging out Donatello’s arm Splinter grabbed his son and pulled him against his body before beginning to run away from the collapsed junk pile. He could hear more voices now, men calling to each other, trying to figure out what had caused the pile of junk to collapse, searching for intruders.

Running through the junkyard Splinter held his son as close to his chest as he could, only relaxing his grip when he and his son were back in the sewage tunnel they had used to get here. Ducking around the tunnel wall Splinter sunk down so he and Donatello were sitting on the ground, with Splinter’s back to wall. “My son are you injured?”

Donatello didn’t respond. Looking down at his son Splinter felt his eyes widen as he found Donatello was trembling. His entire body shaking as he buried his face against the front of Splinter’s robes before; Splinter’s eyes widened again as Donatello let out a pained sob and began to cry. “Why……why am I……so……..useless?”

Opening his mouth to speak Splinter fell silent as Donatello let out another sob. He watched as his son began to shake even harder, pressing his face against Splinter’s chest. “Why……why can't I do anything right? Why can't I stop fucking things up? What’s wrong with me?”

Splinter felt his heart clench painfully as he looked down at his son. Moving slowly, Splinter leaned down and gave Donatello a gentle kiss on the forehead. “My son……” his voice trailed off as Donatello let out another pained sob. Sighing Splinter spoke softly, doing his best to reassure his son. “….you are not useless.”

Donatello looked up at him for another moment before sniffing loudly. “But……but…….I……..I keep messing things up. I…….I…….”

Sighing again Splinter moved, reaching up to cup his son’s face while at the same time wiping away the tears that clung to Donatello’s face. “My son. I want you to take a deep breath and listen to me. Ok?”

After a moment Donatello sniffed loudly before nodding and taking a deep breath. Taking a deep breath splinter spoke, doing his best to comfort his son. “You are not responsible for everything that has happened. People say things we don't mean, people get hurt, people change…….but I want……I NEED you to know something……” Taking a deep breath splinter continued. “YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT HAS HAPPENED.

He spoke each word firmly; doing his best to make sure Donatello understood what he was saying.

He watched as Donatello remained silent, allowing what splinter had said to slowly sink into his brain. After several moments Donatello spoke. “I’m……..I’m scared……..what…….what if Mikey………what if he never gets better? What……what if…..”

Speaking softly splinter continued to comfort his son. “Then we shall deal with it, as a family. Your brothers and I will not allow you to shoulder this burden of guilt alone for it is not yours to bear. You are not alone Donatello. Do you understand?”

Again Donatello nodded as he sniffed loudly. “Y….yes, I understand.”

Something in Donatello’s voice told splinter it was the truth. He son really did understand. Smiling weakly at his son, splinter spoke. “Let’s go home. We can come back tomorrow. Alright?”

Donatello nodded and slowly moved, climbing off his father’s lap before helping his father to his feet. “I’m sorry father.”

Splinter shook his head before reaching out and touching his son’s shoulder. “Everything will be alright my son. Now come, let us go home.”

Nodding Donnie moved, slowly following his father back home.


	24. WORDS from family

The moment they set foot in the lair they could smell it. The warm, soft aroma wafting through the air, beckoning them towards the kitchen. As they moved splinter spoke. “Michelangelo? Leonardo?”

A moment later Leo’s voice answered his calls. “We’re in the kitchen.”

Rounding the corner all 4 of them stopped at the sight in front of them.

On the other side of the counter Leo was sitting on a stool, watching as in front of him Mikey worked, stirring a large pot of something that was bubbling sluggishly. It was Donnie who spoke first, his voice filled with a tone of uncertainty. “Mikey?”

Mikey turned. A large grin spread across the orange banded turtle’s face. “I’m making spaghetti!”

Donnie swallowed a little. Something about Mikey had changed. Some sorrow that had been in his brother when they had left was gone now. This Mikey was happier. Donnie watched as Mikey turned holding his hand out to Leo as though expecting something. A moment later Leo handed him the salt and pepper shakers; allowing Mikey to add them to the bubbling pot.

After a moment splinter spoke. “My son………are you feeling well?”

Mikey turned to look at them. “Yes. I……Leo helped me.”

Raph raised an eyeridge at Leo. “How did he help you?”

Mikey smiled. “By showing me that Donnie can be wrong.”

Donnie opened his mouth to speak, only to be cut off by splinter who cleared his throat. “I am glad to hear that you’re feeling better my son.”

Mikey grinned back at them. “I’m gunna my best so I’m not a burden to anyone. Even if I…..cant……be a ninja. I won’t ever be useless. O….ok?”

The last word came out a little unsure. After a moment splinter smiled. “My son’s why don't you help Michelangelo prepare dinner? I would guess by the smell that it is almost ready?”

As he spoke he looked to Mikey who nodded. “Yeah. It has maybe…..5 minutes left.”

Splinter could not help but smile at the wide grin on Mikey’s face. It seemed his plan had worked. He watched as Donnie and Raph moved, walking up to Mikey who turned to smile at them. Before any of them could speak Donnie and Raph had pulled Mikey into a hug, which was soon joined by Leo.

It was as though a weight had been lifted from all their shoulders. As they pulled apart splinter noted that his sons all looked happier. They no longer hunched over slightly like they had been, but instead stood straight backed and proud of their youngest brother who grinned at them.

For a moment Mikey just grinned at his brothers, enjoying the looks of happiness on their faces. This felt good, it felt right. They didn’t pity him; they were proud of him. He could see it in their eyes.

 

From his spot behind splinter Leatherhead watched as Mikey began to direct his brothers, telling Leo to set out the plates they would use, while Raph got utensils and Donnie filled glasses with water for them to drink. Shuffling forward a little Leatherhead spoke so only splinter could hear him. “It would see your plan worked.”

Splinter nodded slowly. “Yes. For now Michelangelo has regained some small part of his former self. But I fear it may not last. Michelangelo’s fate has been irreversibly altered by his injuries. Although he seems well right now, I worry about the future.”

Leatherhead nodded. “As do I.”

Splinter sighed, reaching up to stroke his beard and whiskers. “But for now let us enjoy having him back as he once was.”

Again Leatherhead nodded. He could see it, the happiness in Mikey's eyes as he worked to finish the meal.

 

“OK, IT’S READY!”

Soon everyone was lined up, plates in hand, all of them huddling around the pot of noodles and sauce; each of them taking as much as they wanted before finding their spot at the table. The brothers grinned at each other, each of them offering praise to Mikey for how delicious the food smelled.

Before any of them had started to eat splinter spoke. “My sons…..” they all fell silent as splinter looked at them. “The last few weeks have been…..trying, to say the least. But tonight I would like for us to move passed our past hardships and look towards the future.”

The brother’s nodded and splinter smiled. “I would like to go around the table; and have each of you promise something. It can be a promise to yourself, or your family, but it is a promise you must never break. Understand?”

Again his son’s nodded. Smiling again splinter looked to Leonardo who bit his lip and thought for a moment before speaking. “I promise………to always make time for family. No matter what is going on around me……if anyone needs to talk; I’ll always be there to listen and help.”

Splinter smiled at Leo who smiled back. Turning to Donatello splinter watched as Donatello thought for a moment before speaking. “I promise to communicate better with everyone. I won’t shut people out just because they might not understand me or what I’m talking about.”

Splinter’s smile grew. It seemed his smartest son had finally learned that despite his intelligence he would not have all the answers. Turning to Raph, splinter noted the look of determination on his red banded son’s face. “I promise to ask for help if I need it. I can't solve the world’s problems on my own, but I’ll do my best to try.”

Raphael’s grin mirrored splinter as he turned to look at his youngest son. “What about you Michelangelo?”

He watched as Michelangelo was silent for a moment, before speaking. “I promise to never be a burden to anyone. I’ll do my best to help out everyone so they don't always have to take care of me.”

Splinter nodded. “That is a worthy goal.”

As he moved to sit down however, splinter paused as his son’s spoke to him. “What about you? What do you promise?”

For a moment he paused, caught slightly off guard by the question; but after a moment he smiled, he guessed it was only fair he promise something too. “I promise to protect you my sons with every fiber of my being, and until the last breath leaves my body.”

His son’s all nodded to him. After a moment Mikey twisted in his chair, looking at Leatherhead who was nearby, leaning against a column watching them as he held his own plate of food. “What about you Leatherhead?”

Leatherhead thought for a moment, a low rumble coming from his throat as he wracked his brains for a moment. “I promise to always be there. Either as a friend, a fellow warrior, or a confidant. I will never turn any of you away should you need to talk to me.”

From his spot at the table splinter nodded. “Then know this. The moment you take your first bite of food, your promises are sealed into your souls. There is no breaking them. Understood?”

A chorus of “yes” met his ears.

Nodding again splinter smiled as he watched his 4 sons moved as one, all of them taking their first bite at the same time. Continuing to smile at them splinter took his own first bite, his whiskers twitching slightly as the delicious food touched his tongue.

Behind him a small rumble from Leatherhead told him the large gator had taken his own bite. After swallowing his food splinter spoke. “Then let us move forward into the future, as a family.”

A chorus of agreement met his ears. Taking another bite splinter, listened as his son praised Mikey.

“The food is delicious! Way better than Leo’s cooking!”

Mikey grinned at Raph, while Leo half glared at his red banded brother. After a moment Mikey spoke. “I was thinking I would try and make something called……..pizza………next time.”

An even bigger grin spread across splinter’s face as he listened to his son’s talking.

Something about them had changed. Each of them had been tried and tested by Michelangelo’s injuries. Some of them had been tested harder than others. Some of them had come close to breaking. Each of them had been pushed almost to their absolute limit. And yet now, they were all better for it.

There may be no way of knowing what would happen tomorrow or in the future, but right here and now splinter could not help but be grateful.

His family was back, maybe a little worse for wear, but they were back and that was all that mattered to him.


End file.
